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Just say thank you.
Merry Christmas! Thanks, you too! Happy Hanukkah! Thanks, you too. Happy Kwanzaa! Thanks, you too! Happy Ramadan! This one requires fasting so I’m not sure how happy I’d be but – thanks, you too! Happy St. Patrick’s Day! If you’re offended by this, you’re just a straight up psycho because it’s a well-known fact that…
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The Mc Motherf-ing Rib
Normal people have social media envy when seeing their friends’ new cars or luxurious vacations. Not me. I’m happy for those people. But when someone shares the precious moment of their children indulging in a culinary classic like The McDonald’s McRib for the very first time ……….. well that will make me greener than a…
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PEN15
We started watching a brilliant new show on Hulu called Pen15. It’s pronounced “pen fifteen” but I’m sure it’s supposed to look like ‘PENIS’ – like when you type 58008 on a calculator then turn it upside-down and it says ‘BOOBS’. Brilliant not just because I saw the name Jorma Taccone ❤️ flash by on…
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My blankie.
I related so hard to that kid in Mr. Mom when he sat at the top of the stairs with Michael Keaton and they talked about him giving up his woobie. I had a woobie, but I called it my blankie. It started out as a tightly knit, pink 11”x17”ish rectangle with knotted tassels around…
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Tips, tricks, life hacks, & advice.
In the spirit of giving, here are some tips/tricks I’ve learned in my 44 years. You’re welcome. – if you have a seasonal cough due to allergies when you lie down at night that causes you to cough your head off like I do, get saline nose spray for like $1.00 at the supermarket or…
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Oh shut up and go away Candace Owens.
At bedtime last night I came upstairs to see PJ and my oldest son holding hands on his bed. From afar it just looked like a sweet moment, but there was actually a reason for it. It turns out they had a bet going that if PJ could lift his hand off the bed while…
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When I’m rich.
Back when Diddy was Puff Daddy and his undeniably fabulous album No Way Out gave us the song Been Around the World – a track that mimicked the Lisa Stansfield song of the same name and sampled David Bowie’s Let’s Dance – there was one line that might be my favorite of any song ever…
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Real is so much better than fake.
Except when it comes to Christmas trees. Yeah I said it. WHAT? I grew up with real Christmas trees. My parents and sister still insist on getting one. “Nothing like the smell of a real Christmas tree!” they say. The tree debate is a sort of unspoken battle. Having been on both sides of it,…
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Woke part 2.
PJ and I started watching the show Woke on Hulu. It stars LaMorne Morris who I loved as Winston on New Girl – so I was in. I felt a little funny watching a show called Woke because it’s what one of my white friends calls me when I write about Black Lives Matter. According…
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We’re gonna have a quiet dinna at home.
We usually host Thanksgiving at my house, but my parents are in that sweet spot – scratch that – HORRIBLE spot – that because of their age and pre-existing conditions, they are prime targets for spending the last few weeks of their lives intubated and dying alone in a hospital bed if they were to…
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Red rum.
So I was going to write about how Jack Nicholson’s character went insane in The Shining, the Stanley Kubrick movie that was originally a book by Stephen King. I would’ve blah blah blah-ed my way to the point where I tell you that the one tip I give new mothers is to go outside and…
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I’m only happy when it rains.
If I’ve told you this one before, stop me. Haha, you can’t. No one can stop me. Ever. I was never a huge fan of the band Garbage until I found out the lead singer, Shirley Manson, wrote the song I’m Only Happy When it Rains to mock the Seattle grunge scene bands of the…
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Just like Jesus.
Penance: The Sacrament of Penance or the Reconciliation or Confession is one of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church in which the faithful are absolved from sins committed after Baptism and they are reconciled with the Christian community. I think I was 12 or 13 when I went through my penance class. I don’t…
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Deplorable.
Let’s just get right into this, shall we? For 4 years our President has said the most awful, divisive, disgusting, things – only topped by the amount of lies he has told. You were ok with that. For 4 years, many Trump supporters called people who exposed their feelings and/or had compassion for others “snowflakes”,…
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18 & life.
I was lying in my bed, watching TV on a Saturday night like I had been doing for the past 3 months. Teara, who had gotten married and moved out, also 3 months before, came busting through my bedroom door and said, “Get up. You’re coming with me & Chris to Mark & Jacqui’s Halloween…
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Birthdays was the worst days …
Now we sip champagne when we thirstayyy 🎵 Just kidding. I drink water when I’m thirs-tay. Ugh but birthdays are the worst days. Not in the “I’m so old let’s not celebrate my birthday” way. I am extremely grateful that God has granted me another year on this Earth. No I’m talking about birthdays being…
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We’re the wet suckers.
I’m sad that Charlie Brown isn’t on TV anymore. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not really that big of a deal – we own the dvds and have Apple TV; but we literally *just* had our annual convo deciding to wait until it was on TV to watch. I always joke that my…
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Oh HELL no! That did NOT just happen.
🤯 🤯 🤯 Hey, sorry, the title was total clickbait. I mean, I could possibly be talking about 2020 as a whole, but nothing really just happened. The reason I wanted to catch your attention is because I’m trying to get anyone who dropped off from reading my blog because I’m too political, too lib-tardy,…
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Schitt’s Creek
Biffer told me months ago that I should watch Schitt’s Creek. I watched two episodes and hated it. Teara told me she loves Schitt’s Creek. I said I watched two episodes and hated it. I said it was painful and we could barely make it through the second episode. Everyone told me I should watch…
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Hurt people hurt people – AH HAA!!
Think of any bully you’ve known in your life. At the root, they’re usually just sad inside and want to take their pain out on others. The prime example of this is Nelson Muntz from the Simpsons. His dad went to the store for a pack of cigarettes and never came home. Because of Nelson’s…
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I miss Adam Yauch.
Aka MCA; member of the Beastie Boys; aliases Nathaniel Hornblower & Abednego. He died of parotid cancer (salivary gland), in 2012. Danielle and I used to lay on my bed for hours trying to decide which Beastie Boy looked the hottest in the posters on my wall. I always liked Ad Rock (Adam Horovitz) the…
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F*** you
I’m sorry, but how is typing “F*** you” any less offensive than “Fuck you”? What is this, Kids Bop? Are we babies? Do teeny tiny asterisks really change anything? How does this * make it less offensive? And if you’re typing “fuck you”, you have no business trying to be “less offensive” in the first…
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I don’t care what people think.
When I was a little girl, I’d sit on Lol’s lap every night before bed and ask the same question, “Mommy, was I a good girl today?” If I’d been well-behaved, she would say yes. On days when I was naughty (like the time I purposely dropped an encyclopedia on Teara’s head from the 2nd…
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This is not a political post.
a few years ago i went to pick up my chinese fooD and the restaurant was On fire. it looked like it was oNly A grease fire and everyone was ok. i saw a bag that Looked reaDy for pickup and i was so tempted to ask if i could just grab iT, but i…
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THAT’S NOT WHAT FACEBOOK IS FOR!
Lately I’ll see something that bothers me on social media during the day, and I’ll do what all the people tell me to do – just scroll on by. It annoys the shit out of me, but look … I’m just scrollin’ on by … I’m so mature. I’m proud of myself actually. I succeeded…
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Fake news. I’m not dead.
My 8 and 10-year-old had a fight yesterday. This happens a lot. I’ll be in my office working, and when my husband has successfully pretended to be too busy to listen to what they have to say, they come to me. Their faces appear in the panes of the French doors – both pressing their…
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Be a Ginsburg, not a Barrett.
Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, “Behind every great man is a great woman.” There’s no denying that Ruth Bader Ginsburg was a dynamic woman, but not unlike what Eleanor said about Franklin, behind her greatness was actually a great man. Whoa whoa whoa – stop the clock. A feminist icon like the Notorious RBG owes her…
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Nobody warned me about Calliou.
I like to read parenting articles so I can think to myself, ‘Haha suckers. Been there, done that, and did it better.’ There are so many articles about what kids should eat, what’s an appropriate bedtime, how to get them to listen, blah blah blah … semi-helpful but also fully boring. You rarely see important…
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You should be thanking Trump for being one of the first Presidents in a long long time to not get us into a new war.Cause if shit went down with N Korea YOU would be the first one blogging about OmG TrUMp sTARtED WorLd waR TRee
Forget for a moment that we live in a world where Donald Trump is our President, and remember back when Barack Obama was in office. Under his Presidency, he was lambasted for wearing a beige suit, and his wife, First Lady Michelle Obama, was ridiculed for wearing a sleeveless dress. Could you imagine if she…
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👑 RBG 👑
My most fervent wish is that I will not be replaced until a new President is installed. – Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg Women, and the men who support our rights, shouldn’t be sad that Ruth Bader Ginsburg didn’t get her one last wish, but instead look at it like she did us one…
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