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Lessons learned from pussycats.
Teara and my brother-in-law Christian used to have a cat named Norman (RIP). For all intents and purposes (not “intensive purposes” like Doug Heffernan says), I did not like that cat. Real talk – most cats can be assholes at times. Mine growing up, Rambo, loved to mess with everyone, even our sweet little princess…
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FAME! I’m (not) gonna live forever!
Lately we’ve been talking about death in the Petti household. Cheery, I know. It’s another thing I like to discuss openly so my kids don’t have a, “Holy shit I’m going to die one day” moment like I did while I was 9 years old. I was dancing along with Debbie Allen to the beginning…
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North Shore/South Shore and 90210.
I just woke up from a dream where I was a cast member of 90210, but it was real life. I tease PJ and say he grew up in 90210 because he had 7 pair of Cavariccis compared to my one pair of light-wash denim that I rocked all the time. He also wore silk,…
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Give it up.
I gave up cursing for lent and am failing miserably. Within the very hour of deciding that’s what I was going to do, I said the word BS. The second day I wrote an extremely foul-mouthed-laden text, and didn’t even realize I did it until later in the day when I screwed up and said…
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The Emperor’s new clothes society.
I’m going to write something verrryyyy controversial right now. It’s not because I’m trying to be a hater – it’s for a greater purpose. You will see why later. I am not a fan of Brené Brown 😬 So many of you are calling me a jealous, know-nothing moron right now, I know this. It…
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Have you ever had postpartum depression? I have.
It was never officially diagnosed, but when I sobbed my eyes out for no reason on the young, new, gynecologist’s exam table at my “well” visit after having my second son, it probably would’ve helped if he did. When I had my first son, although I was in active labor (pushing) for SEVEN HOURS, once…
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That’s what D said.
If you watched any of the case presented by the House Impeachment Managers to convict Trump and still say he’s not guilty, I truly cannot understand that. But because in the past I said I didn’t want to be the one to go on and on about politics and then did anyway; and because I…
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Have you ever had someone so toxic in your life that you finally decided to cut them out and then everyone thought you were the bad guy? I have.
And guess what? I wish I did it sooner. If you have someone in your life that causes you pain in any way, whether it’s constantly, unabashedly lying to you and everyone around you, taking advantage of yours and the kindness of others, and just always seeming to be surrounded by some sort of drama…
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Have you ever been roofied? I have.
Picture it … Fire Island, 1990-something … My friends and I rented a house for the summer. Late one afternoon, before getting ready to go out for the evening, my girlfriends and I decided to stop at a party where we knew some of the guys renting the house. The brother of one of our…
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If it’s good enough for Gwynnie, it’s good enough for me.
Since I fancy myself a writer but not a reader, I’ve been trying to read more. How could I possibly reach my full potential if I never heard what the literary great’s “voices” sound like? Starting with J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye seemed like a good idea since I wanted to see what…
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Learn to think for yourself.
* edit – what a dummy. Trevor Noah’s accent is South African. Maybe that’s why his “British” accent was one of the things that rubbed me the wrong way about him. I thought he sounded like he was doing a bad British accent when it’s actually because he’s South African 😂 The jokes are still…
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Progress.
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be woken from a deep sleep and thrown into a hysterical state of panic, well today’s your lucky day because I’m an expert on the subject. Why an expert, you ask? Well it’s because last night was the second time it’s happened to me 👍 I was…
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Meatball hugs.
Sometimes I’m a mystery to myself. As I’ve mentioned many, many times before, I do not like to cook. However, my favorite thing to do is watch cooking shows. There has to be some hidden psychology going on there. It’s not like I think one day I’ll see something that looks so good that I’ll…
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Me & Teara got flashed while on the street.
I’m on a real reminiscing kick lately so … 🎶 Here’s a little story for y’all to peep, it’s called “Me & Teara got flashed while on the street”🎶 (sang to the tune of the Beastie Boys “Mike on the Mic” from Paul’s Boutique.) Teara and I lived less than a mile from every public…
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Cigarettes & lunch.
In the summer between 7th & 8th grade, almost every day, I’d dip into my birthday money, meet my across the street neighbor/BFF Christine in the middle of the street, and say, “Let’s go up to the stores.” She’d run back into her house grab some money and a lighter, and yell to her mom…
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Bible-thumpin’
My attitude has changed. At least for now, but I hope it stays this way. If anyone cared enough and noticed that my attitude has changed, they might think, “Oh sure, Biden won the election, so now everything is just great for her. Jussst great.” But that’s not it. Some might think it’s because there’s…
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In a world where you can be anything, be kind.
True, but sometimes there are people who will never get that message no matter how many times they scroll past it on the internet. It’s because they’re so unhappy that they don’t realize that being kind could actually turn the tables in their favor. Being kind gives off good vibes that exude from you, are…
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Get to work.
I just woke up in a cold sweat because I dreamt I was working at my old job – an environment in which sexual harassment ran rampant. In said dream, I was the assistant for a higher up who had a folder on his computer desktop that was specifically for his favorite pornography. (True story,…
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An ode to my eldest.
I’m warning you, if you’re not in the mood to learn about my son, one of the best humans this world has ever seen, you should stop reading right now. Oh good, you’re still here 🙂 My oldest son is 12. When I try to look at life through his eyes, I can still remember…
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Not everything has to be so hard.
As we were cleaning up dinner last night, PJ asked what we should do for New Year’s Eve: make a bunch of hors d’oeuvres (yes that’s really how it’s spelled, I copied & pasted it) or get take-out? It was a no-brainer for me (duh, take-out), but being that he suggested it, I figured he…
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So I had a weird and eye-opening day yesterday.
During the pandemic I started going to church online. Even if you’re a skeptic like me when it comes to religion, I recommend it. The ritual, the messages … they’re very grounding and comforting in a time like this. The more I’ve been going, the more I’ve enjoyed it. It provides a sense of calm…
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Just say thank you.
Merry Christmas! Thanks, you too! Happy Hanukkah! Thanks, you too. Happy Kwanzaa! Thanks, you too! Happy Ramadan! This one requires fasting so I’m not sure how happy I’d be but – thanks, you too! Happy St. Patrick’s Day! If you’re offended by this, you’re just a straight up psycho because it’s a well-known fact that…
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The Mc Motherf-ing Rib
Normal people have social media envy when seeing their friends’ new cars or luxurious vacations. Not me. I’m happy for those people. But when someone shares the precious moment of their children indulging in a culinary classic like The McDonald’s McRib for the very first time ……….. well that will make me greener than a…
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PEN15
We started watching a brilliant new show on Hulu called Pen15. It’s pronounced “pen fifteen” but I’m sure it’s supposed to look like ‘PENIS’ – like when you type 58008 on a calculator then turn it upside-down and it says ‘BOOBS’. Brilliant not just because I saw the name Jorma Taccone ❤️ flash by on…
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My blankie.
I related so hard to that kid in Mr. Mom when he sat at the top of the stairs with Michael Keaton and they talked about him giving up his woobie. I had a woobie, but I called it my blankie. It started out as a tightly knit, pink 11”x17”ish rectangle with knotted tassels around…
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Tips, tricks, life hacks, & advice.
In the spirit of giving, here are some tips/tricks I’ve learned in my 44 years. You’re welcome. – if you have a seasonal cough due to allergies when you lie down at night that causes you to cough your head off like I do, get saline nose spray for like $1.00 at the supermarket or…
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