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She doesn’t give a F…
I talk about my sister Teara a lot on here. Mostly in a mocking way, but only because I know she can take it and will laugh right along with me. See, Teara was the queen of not giving a fuck before not giving a fuck was cool. Once when I was a little buck-toothed,…
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Ain’t nobody gonna breaka my stride.
Nobody gonna hold me down. Oh no. I got to keep on movin’. Welcome to my brain where every song turns into an ear worm. My kids have been singing this ‘80s classic for the past week because it’s a TikTok sensation. I googled the song to find out who sang it and was shocked…
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Peace be with you, Tiffany.
When I set out to write this blog, I never intended for it to be so much of me reminiscing about my childhood, but since I never forget anything (blessing & a curse) and some of it’s too funny not to share, why not? Plus, it’s my bloggy and I’ll do what I want to,…
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Tiffy say relax.
I consider myself a good mother. Pretty kick-ass actually, but not in the traditional “good mother” ways. We’ve already established that I don’t cook, (well I’ll make them pancakes if they beg long enough), and I probably should have more rules when it comes to electronics. But these boys know that we love them more…
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From North Babylon to the Bahamas.
Cool story bro, time. Particularly for my North Babylon friends. I was sitting on the sea shore watching my kids play in the water when an older woman asked if I knew if we were in the Atlantic or the Caribbean. I said I thought Caribbean but said she’d be better off asking my 7…
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You’re calling me dumb but you can’t even put on a seatbelt.
We just came off a 4-day Disney Cruise to the Bahamas. Before I post 100 pictures to not-so-humble brag about the absolutely perfect, completely magical, utterly blessed, with not one single meltdown or fight the entire time of our vacation on Facebook, I figured I’d document our 9-hour road trip back to Huntersville. The title…
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She’s ugly.
I talk a lot about people I think are hot other than my husband: Post Malone, Shakira, Mary’s blind then not blind husband on LHOTP, James Franco, Wilmer Flores (I also love him because he’s a man who’s not afraid to show his emotions and his favorite TV show is Friends and it’s how he…
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I want your sex.
Oooh I bet that got your attention didn’t it? Well I’m actually referring to the song by the wonderful, boody-shaking George Michael. You know, the song that came out in 1987. When I was a doofy, bucktoothed, mulleted 10-year-old, singing at the top of my lungs with my even doofier bucktoothed, tightly-permed sister who was…
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Club Couch & Bar Bed.
When I ask my friend Coletta what she’s doing over the weekend, 99% of the time she says, “Club Couch & Bar Bed.” (I think she’s already copyrighted it so don’t even bother.) It didn’t register that it should be my weekend mantra until she said it a few times. Actually, it should be my…
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There are no stupid questions. FALSE. There are many stupid questions.
While driving my oldest to school the other day I asked, “Are you excited about starting gym class?” His response – and bear with me as I try to spell this – was: “Mmmnahno” (the inaudible version of “I don’t know”) and the tone he used was as if I’d just asked him what the…
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Kobe.
Why does this feel like such a gut punch? I barely followed his career. I was at a roller skating party when I heard and I thought it was a hoax. When I found out it was true it felt surreal and it still does. When I got home PJ was wearing the Bryant jersey…
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Oh you’re mature.
Recently during a heated debate, one of my snide remarks elicited an, “Oh you’re mature.” from someone who is at least 10 years younger than me. I told him that if he meant it as an insult, I’d be the first to tell him that I am definitely not mature. Thank God. I’m not saying…
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I Marie Kondo-ed my closet.
Sort of. I didn’t hug my old clothes and tell them they served me well before gently placing them in a pile to be donated. Instead I tore through that shit knowing that I was kidding myself if I thought I’d ever wear 3/4 of it again and stuffed it all in a bag with…
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Not to be a whale-gutter, but…
At one of my past jobs several years ago, I had some of the dearest friends/co-workers a girl could ask for. When you’re forced to participate in the daily grind, it’s really important to find people you can take a break and laugh with, otherwise all you have to look forward to is TPS reports…
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Caught in my own hypocrisy yet again.
If you’ve been reading this blog you’ve discovered that I am not perfect. I know, I know, you are shocked 😐. For instance, there’s been a number of times when I’ve criticized others grammar, but I should really stfu because I can’t remember punctuation rules to save my life. I use parenthesis like a mad…
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My arch nemesis, the telephone.
I haaaaate talking on the phone. Not in the: “We have text now, why would you ever call me?” way, (even though I agree with that statement.) I mean, I have alwayssss haaaated talking on the phone. Which is weird because the year I got my own phone for my bedroom – a bulky white…
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Quiz time.
You go on a dinner date for your husband’s birthday. Your wonderful sister offers to have your boys sleep over so you can have a nice quiet evening and sleep in the next day. After a perfect dinner and dazzling conversation, you go back to your house and: A. Watch the movie Joker and fall…
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My mind has rejected my New Year’s Resolution.
My official New Year’s resolution was to lose 5 lbs. but I seriously cannot stop eating. I think I was secretly hypnotized because every time I tell myself not eat, that pesky voice in my head says, “Haha try it you weak fool! Hahaaaa! Twinkies.” You probably think I’m exaggerating but this is what I…
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Aw man, pew.
Sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your perfume is kinda rude. The last time my family went out to dinner, PJ and I locked eyes when a couple sat next to us; my eyes started watering and I think PJ was gasping for air because the woman’s perfume was choking us…
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My boys.
I’m the mother of 3 boys. They’re so different and yet so alike in most of the good ways, some of the bad ways, and all of the naughty ways. Naughty and bad are 2 very different things. Bad is when they drop an F bomb while practicing the trombone – but who am I…
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The next generation is just fine.
On any given day you can find an article telling you how the technology of today is ruining our yutes. What is a yute? You know, a yute. (Sorry, I fell into the courtroom scene from My Cousin Vinnie which is sure to happen whenever the word youth is mentioned. Back to articles about the…
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There’s always that one.
Have you ever met someone and not liked them just by looking at them? Something in your gut tells you “Nope.” And you don’t know why and you feel really petty (or Petti haha) and think to yourself, “Oh stop. She’s fine. You’re being a jerk.” Sometimes I’m wrong and the person ends up being…
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My New Year’s resolution.
My New Year’s resolution should be to stop eating everything in sight because I gained 5 lbs. over the holidays and look like a busted can of biscuits. That’s what 5 pounds does to a person who is 5’ nothing and gains it all in her belly or as my mom calls it, the midddrifff.…
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Why do I do this to myself?
Yesterday started out like any other Saturday. My son waking me up begging for pancakes even though I’ve been begging him for years to not wake me up begging for pancakes. He was out of luck though because I had a 9am appointment with one of the most important people in my life. The man…
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Surprise me. Or don’t.
When I decided to start a blog I asked my husband PJ, what was off limits. He said, “nothing.” I should’ve taken it and ran, but I knew he was either in the middle of something and not really listening or figured I’d end up writing whatever I wanted anyway, so why bother telling me what to…
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