Category: Uncategorized
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Cock-a-doodle-doo.
I don’t know much about the ins and outs of slander laws, so even though this story is entirely true, I’m not going to tell you the name of the company I am writing about. I will, however, let you know that this company has some shady friggin business practices. Let’s call them, “Mac-PayUs-AFee”. Picture…
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If I had a girl.
My kids are so mean to me. I ask them every day to tell me who they like and all they do is give me a nasty look and say NOTHING. I tell them all the time that I thank God for giving me all boys – the only exception being when they won’t tell…
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Hi, I’m Tiffany and I’m a Disney Person.
In 2 days, PJ and I will be married for 17 YEARS!! 17 years ago when we were young and too cool, I was the type of person who vowed that when I had kids, we would never be “Disney People”. I don’t really need to explain this, right? We all know who “Disney People”…
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In the blink of an eye.
Last weekend I was cleaning and listening to a book on my “noise-canceling” (yeah right) headphones. All of a sudden I heard my youngest screaming so loud that after about 10 seconds, I almost yelled, “Shut up! I can hear you through my headphones!!” (Don’t judge me for talking to my kids this way. They…
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Doesn’t every parent think their kids are phenoms?
You guys aren’t sick of me bragging about my husband & kids all the time, are you? Ok good. I’ll continue. Between my 3 boys, they can play: the trombone, guitar, drums, bass, and keyboard. Not only do they play, but can do so without sheet music (except for the trombone), and while singing. Ok…ok……
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Be THAT guy!
I just watched an Instagram video where 3 little boys stacked up a bunch of solo cups in front of their front door so when their dad came home from work, he’d crash into them. The mom was videotaping when he walked in and he saw the cups before going through them. So he went…
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I got a fever…
In between pancake-making and explaining the differences of a circumcised penis vs. an uncircumcised penis, my son asked if he could get steel drumsticks and a cowbell, along with acoustic drums for his birthday. I barely processed the drums and steel drumsticks part because as a person whose personality was molded by 90’s Saturday Night…
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A lesson in moving to the south.
PJ and I moved to North Carolina after getting married almost 17 years ago. We came to the realization that we could have such a better life here. I love the saying ‘Leap and the net will appear’, and it sums up all the greatest things we’ve ever done together. Moving to NC was one…
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A Tiffany Epiphany
I was talking to my Biff yesterday and I swear I came up with the simplest reasoning as to why the REAL greatest generation … aka moi generation, aka the X generation – is, for the most part, the least racist generation. See, I’ve been accused of being “woke” in the past, and it wasn’t…
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I love Drew Barrymore!
Always have, always will. I loved her in E.T. as Gertie, the OG “scream into the camera at the top of your lungs” kid. (Macauley Culkin, who?) One of my first vivid memories is from 1982 when I SOBBED at the end of E.T. My mortified parents ushered me quickly through the side door of…
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A love letter.
A long time ago, while fishing for praise, I jokingly said to my mom, “Are you proud of me?” Her response, “I’m always proud of you.” The answer knocked me for a loop because it was so unexpected. To this day, it pops into my mind and always elicits the same warm feelings in my…
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Save the complaints for party conversation…
The world… is loaded… it’s lit to pop and nobody is gonna stop. Those lyrics from Jane’s Addiction’s song Stop! have been resounding in my head since I drove to work last week when it came up in my shuffle. It was then that I realized what Perry Farrell (Peri-pharel? I heard that’s why he…
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Ch-ch-changes 🎶
As much as I’d like to think I’m going to stay youthful forever, the fact is, women go through menopause, or as many call it, “their changes.” For men who have never been enlightened on the subject (due to the fact that even though every woman since the dawn of time has menstruated, we’re taught…
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The Grinch who hates The Grinch.
Ever since I can remember, my Pa has hated, HA-TED the movie, How The Grinch Stole Christmas! Folklore says it’s because the TV station played it one December evening instead of the show he really wanted to watch. I get it… sort of. I’d be a bit perturbed if after a long day, I settled…
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Little sisters can be traumatizing too.
There’s a thing called the “Older sibling trauma” trend on TikTok. I saw one yesterday of a girl telling how she and her sister would play “Spice Girls” except her sister got to be all the Spice Girls and made her be the fans trying to jump on stage. Her sister would kick her to…
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Chicken Viola!
When I was in college and had to choose a major, I thought, “I really like advertising. I think that’s the degree I’ll go for.” I always loved ads and commercials. I’d even make jingles for my own life (you may recall the Sizzler steakhouse banger I told you about in a previous blog). Even…
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46 things I’m grateful for.
Tomorrow is my 46th birthday. Sure, getting old sucks sometimes. Especially when I feel like the same person I was in my twenties. Not physically, but mentally. If I had a time machine, I could go back to the days of driving around with my friends, smoking and listening to Biggie Smalls. We’d pull up…
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Hi, I’m awkward. Nice to meet you.
Last night we took the boys out to dinner to celebrate how well they did first semester. We’ve been trying to curb our spending, but I’m a firm believer in TYS – Treat Yo Self, and so is PJ. Well holy moly, if I didn’t notice inflation before, I certainly do now. That is, by…
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SHUT UP!
Rude, right? When we hear our kids say this we’re supposed to reprimand them and tell them it’s not nice, right? Well I applauded my son the other day for saying it to his classmate. He told me a student was reading aloud and the little shithead next to him kept huffing and puffing because…
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Don’t believe me just watch.
Tell me I can’t do something and I will do it. Yes I’m one of those people. I used to be proud of it, but now I want to put it down, let it go. It’s a major indicator that I still care too much about what other people think. I want to be like…
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Would you like me to seduce you?
Not really, it’s just a line from a movie that I’m slightly obsessed with, The Graduate. It’s where my crush on Dustin Hoffman began 😍; it’s where my appreciation for Simon & Garfunkel’s music began; it’s where my love for Anne Bancroft and her blonde chunky highlights (currently residing in my own hair) began. The…
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3 kids in 3 different schools…and I feel fineee…
This year I have 1 child in elementary school, 1 in middle school, and 1 in high school. I’m surprisingly calm about this. It’s probably because of the Effexor (or Venlafaxine for all the generic brand seekers like moi.) This isn’t going to turn into another post about mental health, but I would like to…
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Just call me Pinocchio.
It’s so easy to tell other people to be confident in their own skin and to embrace their flaws. Actually living in that skin and having said flaws are a different story. I’ve mentioned here before that my nose is as crooked as a lightening bolt. It’s because I sucked my thumb until I was…
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Dream punching & sugar highs.
I had a terrible night. First I couldn’t sleep. Then when I finally fell asleep I dreamt allll night that PJ was in love with another woman. Do you ever try to punch people in your sleep? It’s like trying to move your arms underwater. Between him not loving me and me trying to land…
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The Wonder Years
My parents owned a stationery store when I was 9 or 10. It was a fun time. Pa would always call before he came home and ask which candy Teara and I wanted. Teara usually chose a Whatchamacallit or gum. I’d choose a Hershey Bar or 3 Musketeers. Teara would call me a nerd for…
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A beautiful little fool.
I have not been well lately, my friends. I think the world finally broke me. For as long as I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve expressed how I feel about injustice in the world. Some may say I’m a walking, talking, “woke” checklist (they wouldn’t mean it as a compliment.) You probably think it’s the…
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Hope.
‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers –That perches in the soul –And sings the tune without the words –And never stops – at all … – Emily Dickenson In my last blog post I wrote an encouraging message for all those who want to come out, but choose not to because of the homophobic, close-minded…
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Pride.
I saw a clip of Molly Shannon on Howard Stern talking about how her Dad spent his entire life as a closeted gay man. It was such an incredibly sad story. It made me think of all the poor souls I know now who will never come out because of one reason or another, but…
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Low-key good people.
You know who are the best? The low-key “good” people. The ones at first glance you’d think were just everyday, ordinary people, but come to find out that they shine so bright, it makes you want to be like them. I’m not talking about those you see highlighted on the news or on social media.…
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I love my life.
Ok so I had a glass of sangria. Just 1 glass, so I’m feeling all lovey-dovey but not wasted. I’m sitting in my pool. PJ is floating around listening to 90s music. I was listening to my book and it’s not so great. My mind started wandering. Outside of my headphones I could hear the…
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