I haven’t written in a while.

In all honesty, I was thinking it’s time to give up this blog.

As confident as I may come across, I have little demons in my head that say things like, “Just stop, Tiffany. You’re embarrassing yourself. No one cares what you have to say.” I believe them and figure it’s time to hang it up.

So I’ll go a while without writing and think, ‘Yeah, this feels right. No one cares what you think.”

Then usually about a month later, I wake up at 3am with a burning desire to write and can’t stop myself.

And it feels great.

Not just the writing, but the stomping down of those little devils in my mind. The realization that I do not give a single shit if there are people out there saying I need to stop.

When that happens, I end up in a better place, all charged up and feeling myself like, ‘I dare you to try and shut me up. I’ll do what I want.‘

It is entirely possible that my writer’s-blockey confidence dive wasn’t caused solely by insecurity. It might also be that my focus has been on other things lately, notably, my first-born going away to college.

It’s been a little difficult, but I’ve spent the past year in pre-mourning and anticipatory grief that culminated the other day. Amazingly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

He’s just so happy that I can only be happy too. And now I feel like I can breathe again.

His sweet dad, on the other hand, is having a tougher time.

He keeps asking me if he should text him.

I tell him to leave him alone.

He does it anyway.

Never in a million years would I have thought PJ would be worse than me!!

My advice was that he should start believing in God and give the worry up to Him, knowing He’ll take care of it all.

He ignored me and texted him again.

After all, PJ’s another one who’s always going to do what he wants.