We brought our son to his college orientation last week. I thought it was going to be a fun day of seeing what life would be like for him at school. It was not.

Instead, it was the most boring day I’ve had in a long time.

I don’t blame the school though, I blame the parents.

Let me back up a bit…

I thought I was a helicopter mom compared to the way I was raised.

When I was a kid, we spent entire days outside and didn’t have phones for our parents to track us down.

The rule in my house was that I better be home by 5:30 for dinner and not a minute later. If it was 5:31, my parents said it was “A slap in the face!” and I’d be in trouble.

Didn’t they realize I needed that extra 5 minutes to french kiss my boyfriend like he was going off to war the next day? (Don’t judge – we all did it, and usually right in front of the bus line where there were teachers witnessing it. It seems very weird now, but back then it was the norm.)

Anyway, right before 5:30 when I was AIS (Ass In Seat) at the dinner table, my friends and I were taking shortcuts through the woods to get home, maneuvering over abandoned mattresses that were used as makeshift bridges across streams.

And before that, we were trekking all over town to hang out at strip malls, or our friends houses, or wherever the day took us.

We learned how to figure shit out.

And that is why I felt like I was a helicopter mom to my own kids – they never did anything remotely like this.

They hung out in the neighborhood. If they went to a friend’s house, I drove them.

It’s not that I said they couldn’t go off with their friends for the day, they just didn’t and I was ok with it.

When they were in elementary school, I volunteered for all the field trips and the classroom parties. I’d pop in for lunchtime visits. I’d get to know their teachers, etc.

But when it was time for middle school, I washed my hands of it all. Once they were finished with elementary school, I was out.

I’d like to say it was a conscious decision so they would learn responsibility, but it wasn’t. It was a selfish decision. I was tired. And broke. 3 kids x all those things I mentioned above for all those years = expensive.

So off they went into the wild world of middle school, and since then, I wouldn’t be able to pick out any of their teachers in a lineup. (Well maybe a few because they were so awesome that they made themselves known. There’s one who I credit with breaking my middle child out of his shyness and I’ll be forever grateful.) But as for participation on my part, zero.

And THANK THE LORD I didn’t.

There was a session at the orientation called, “I Raised Them, Now What?”

I can’t even believe this was an actual thing.

I thought it would be an emotional support type gathering and I’d be crying right along with the other parents who were sending their babies off. It wasn’t.

This session was an attempt to get the real helicopter parents off their backs.

They showed actual (anonymous) posts from an unofficial school Facebook page like this:

– My child got a 70 on a test. She never got a 70 in her life. Who do I contact about this?

– It’s 7:30 and my son isn’t answering his phone. Can someone knock on his door? He has a quiz.

And I swear to God:

– Are parents allowed to sleep over the first few nights to make sure everything is ok?

Some people in the crowd raised their hands when asked if they had Life 360 on their phones. (Apparently you can track every movement your child makes with this app) They were instructed to get rid of it or they will drive themselves crazy.

We were also encouraged to basically let go and let them live.

So 2 things:

1. I’m actually NOT a helicopter mom and my kids are better for it. My selfish decision was the best thing I could’ve done for them – YAY!🎉

2. If you ARE a helicopter parent, stop immediately. Allow them to start figuring things out for themselves. And please, oh please, don’t be the anonymous Facebook post at your child’s college orientation 😬