I’m on a real reminiscing kick lately so …

🎶 Here’s a little story for y’all to peep, it’s called “Me & Teara got flashed while on the street”🎶 (sang to the tune of the Beastie Boys “Mike on the Mic” from Paul’s Boutique.)

Teara and I lived less than a mile from every public school we ever attended, so after a certain age we we were always “walkers”.

This means that you can’t ride the bus even if you wanted to and if your parents worked, you were shit out of luck and your hair would get ruined in the rain.

Luckily my parents were around to drive us, but when it was nice out, we wanted to walk.

In my first week of 9th grade, when I was a young, innocent, freshman babe in the woods, me and my OLDER sister Teara were walking to school.

I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but I do recall Teara picking her perm like she always did.

Right before we got to the High School, we came upon a little baby blue hatchback car that was parked in the opposite direction of the flow traffic. (For those who I grew up with, it was on Phelps Lane across from Calhoun and in front of the pond.)

We didn’t think anything of it when a man’s voice said “Excuse me?”

Naively, I turned to my right and Teara did too.

We stood at the passenger side door of the car thinking we were about to give directions.

Instead, it was a gross little slimy-looking guy sitting in the driver’s seat with a porno mag propped up on the steering wheel and his wormy pink penis in his hand!

Politely he asked, “Would you like to watch me jerk off?”

I was gobsmacked. Frozen in terror. If it wasn’t for Teara, he may have thought that me standing there with my eyes wide open and my mouth agape meant, “Oh yes indeed kind sir, please let me watch you bop your baloney before I attend my studies.”

But Teara, cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce, didn’t skip a beat. She said, “No thank you.” as she pulled me away by my arm and never even dropped her pic.

After the initial shock wore off, I started crying and blurting out suggestions of what we should do. Teara said we shouldn’t do anything and just forget about it.

Within 10 minutes I was in my homeroom – so naturally, still very upset. My friends encouraged me to go to the Principal’s office and tell them what happened, so I did.

You should’ve seen Teara’s face when she got called down too. She was so mad at me. We had to give a full description of the guy and the car and, of course – being me – I spared no detail. In retrospect, I’m sure whoever took our account of what happened that day was 1/2 concerned and 1/2 trying to stifle their laughter.

We kept walking to school after that and it never happened again.

So for all you parents who think it’s so bad now, as my friend Cheryl said after reading my last blog — there were always creeps around, just no internet to highlight it.

We all need to calm down a little and just teach our children when to tell someone to fuck off. Or in a case like this, just say, “No thank you.”