Isn’t it funny that I write a blog but hate reading?

It’s not because I don’t like to be educated or entertained by the words on a page; I think it has more to do with my borderline (and self-diagnosed) ADD.

Sometimes my mind goes in so many directions that when I read a page, I’ll get to the bottom and realize I didn’t pay any attention to the entire thing and have to start all over again.

I also don’t like to read because of my more than borderline (and also self-diagnosed) OCD, where if I start a book, even if it’s as boring as shit, I need to finish it because I absolutely cannot go through life not knowing how that boring shit ended.

My Biff loves to read. She’s also a pro-life Republican, which proves that loving to read is also wrong. (I kid, I kid.)

If there’s one thing I hate more than actually reading a book, it’s when people tell me about the boring book that they’re reading.

One time Biff told me about a book she was reading and I swear I fell asleep on the phone.

When she tried to do it again, I stopped her and said, “Please do not tell me about another one of your books, it’s really boring.”

She said ok, but then let me know she was going to play a game where she would “sneak tell” me about her books.

I thought to myself, “That’s impossible. You cannot tell someone about a book without them knowing 🙄”

Well folks, she’s done it THREE times now.

I used to think I was smart ☹️

The 3rd time was yesterday and she texted me from an unknown number. Here’s how it went:

Did you find out what happened at the bbq?

Me: No, did you? (Because I mess with wrong numbers like it’s my job.)

No! I was trying to find out from Erika, but she ran out of the show early. Not sure why. The police always seemed to get involved in these things.

Me: I’m just messing with you. You have the wrong #.

Me: I also wanted to know what happened at the BBQ because I’m nosy.

Crap!! This isn’t Clem? The cellist? Or her husband, Sam?

Me: No lol

Haha!! I want to know what happened at the bbq too, that’s why I’m reading the book and I got you again, biffer!!!!

Me: Fuck youuuuuuu. I hate you and your dumb books

Just when I think I’ve reached the ultimate peak of smug brilliance, there’s my Biffer to knock me down ❤️