Definition from Urban Dictionary:

1. To drive around in a nice car with the top down.
2. Generally living large; living life well.
3. That sexy activity endorsed by dental hygienists and other anal-retentive folk.

I’m talking about #3. I’m also kind of talking about #2 because I’m high-maintenance when it comes to my dental floss.

This pandemic has been good for me because it’s like I’m going back to nature by not dying my hair, not getting SNS manicures, and letting my hair air-dry. It’s all healthier for my bod and it’s also saving me money.

But the one thing I never skimp on is my dental floss and the ONLY floss worth mentioning is Oral-B Glide Pro-Health Deep Clean Dental Floss in Cool Mint. Fight me.

A 3-pack is only $7.79, so I’m not talking Rockefeller money here, but compared to whatever sale PJ saw while doing the online shopping, it must have been a whole dollar or 2 difference 🙄

I use Tom’s of Maine toothpaste. I started when I was trying to figure out the cause of my nasty face rash. It’s more natural than the other big name brands. It takes a little while to get used to, but after you do, going back to the regular kind is like switching back to Coke after drinking Diet Coke for years 😝

So PJ opens the box and proudly shows me this Tom’s of Maine multi-pack floss. I think he was expecting me to be excited, but instead I just sat there nodding my head like, “Okkk… greeeaaattt.”

Um, just because I like their toothpaste, doesn’t mean I want their floss too. That’s like saying that because I like Fruit of the Loom undies, I want to rock Fruit of the Loom clothing – that would be a no.

But I still thought, how bad can it be? Maybe it’s great! It’s not. It’s really really not. I just used it and it felt like actual rope in between my teeth. I tried to push through but could only floss half my mouth because it hurt so bad. As I’m writing this, the right side of my mouth has a dull, throbbing ache.

Why oh why oh why can’t he just accept that I am high-maintenance when it comes to my floss?? We’ve actually HAD this conversation before. He’s so good to me but he cannot get this through his head! I bet if I switched out his Charmin for Scott toilet paper he’d get the picture.

For the rest of my mouth I used that shitty Colgate floss they give you after dentist visits. The kind that will actually slice your gums if you floss too hard. It was still better than the Tom’s of Maine. If anyone needs rope for a yard project or what not, I have like 6 packs that I’ll give you for free.