I saw Claire Danes in the airport years ago and I wanted to run up to her and tell her that she’s one of my favorite actresses. My So Called Life should have been called The Story of Tiffy’s Life because it was a spot-on adaption of my awkward adolescence.

Alas, I did not go up to her because several years before I’d met Melissa Joan Hart at a teen club and made a fool of myself. I asked her to recite a line from my then favorite show Clarissa Explains It All and she looked at me like I was an asshole. I was mad, but when I look back, there were a crowd of kids surrounding her, screaming questions in her face – of course she’d treat me like that; I would too.

It’s like the story I heard from a guy who knew Debbie Gibson because they both lived in Merrick. He said Lost In Your Eyes went on at a house party and she was all, “Ew, turn this off.” so he thought she was a bitch. What was she going to say? “Turn it up! My songs are the best!”? They’d call her a bitch either way.

Like Baby Houseman says to Johnny Castle after she confessed that Johnny couldn’t have stolen the wallets because she was with him all night: You can’t win no matter what you do!

(BTW, I watched Dirty Dancing again this weekend and it was even better than the first 376 times I’ve seen it.)

Claire Danes was also in an important movie of my yoot (What is a yoot?) sorry, youthhh: Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet (I always thought it was kinda ballsy and smart for him to include his name in the official title). In reality, it could’ve been the worst movie of all time, but with Claire and Leo together, COME. ON.

I thought Angela and Jordan, aka. Claire Danes and Jared Leto, were the hottest screen couple of all time in MSCL, but then good ol’ Baz sees me and raises me a DiCaprio?? 😍 To quote Heather Chandler in the classic movie, Heathers … wait, um, forget it. I’m actually too embarrassed to write it, but it has to do with shower nozzles.

Anyhoo … one of my favorite songs also comes from BL’s R + J: #1 Crush by the band Garbage. Ugh it’s so good in a stalky, pining way. The perfect mood music for when you’re a teen and yearning away for someone. Also see Wicked Game by Chris Isaak.

I never really liked Garbage, which is weird because the lead singer, Shirley Manson, is a badass, and the drummer, Butch Vig, produced albums for Nirvana, The Smashing Pumpkins, and Sonic Youth – all bands I love. I will say that Shirley Manson’s bad-assery factor went up by a million a few months ago when I heard that the song I’m Only Happy When it Rains, isn’t about the weather at all. She’s actually mocking all the mopey Seattle grunge-rockers. She’s right. They make great music, but what a bunch of whiny crybabies 😭

Luckily I never had any other bad celebrity encounters. I think my Melissa Joan Hart story is cringe-worthy enough. But if you want to make me feel better, by all means, please share in the comments! I love this stuff.