Last night we watched Once Upon a Time in Hollywood as a family. My eldest pulled a “me” and promptly fell asleep. When his snoring got so loud that it became a distraction, we sent him to his bed. The other two remained and got treated to the best cinematic ending in all of history.…

Since the world is falling apart all around us, I’ve decided to keep it light and write about The Beatles. And my kids. Two, or should I say, seven things that always make me feel better. This is a proven fact. When my eldest was old enough to talk but young enough to refrain from…

I just realized that I let my 48th birthday pass without my new tradition of listing the things I’m grateful for. So almost a month late, but here it goes. Here’s to another great year ♥️

About a year ago, rumors swirled that Red Lobster was going out of business. Sadly, the rumors were true – they were filing for Chapter 11. But not all heroes wear capes – some wear giant alarm clocks around their necks and gold grills on their teeth. Flavor Flav swooped in screaming Yeah boyeeee and…

I bet you thought this post was going to be me railing against Trump, right? Well haha to the trolls who like to mock us “liberal extremists” — it’s not. Run along and find someone else to make fun of so you can feel better about your small, pathetic life. So unfulfilling that it brings…

When my son was in 4th grade he was doing really well in his “regular” class, so without my knowledge, he was switched to a different “better” class. It was at a time when the bullshit school system was trying to work out some bullshit class system that ultimately failed and they switched to another…

My family and I have been watching home videos we haven’t seen in years. It’s been fun and at times, bittersweet, to walk down memory lane and see all my loved ones who died, or see myself laughing with people I’m not in contact with anymore. But something that has resonated with me since watching…

One of my favorite movies is Old School with Will Ferrell, Luke Wilson, and Vince Vaughn. Side note: We’re watching Bad Monkey with VV and I did not like it AT ALL. Then on the 5th episode, it got SO GOOD! If you’re feeling the same way, hang in there, it’s worth it! Anyway, Old…

No, not the fun parties we had in our youth. I’m talking about the last 2 evenings of my life being spent at high school and middle school open houses. Lord help me. It’s not fair. Back in the day, we were told when school started and then went to school on that day. Labor…

I love Facebook fights. The most fun ones to follow are on the HOA page. Growing up on Long Island, we didn’t have HOAs (Home Owners Associations), everyone just lived on the block and did what they wanted with their own property. I personally prefer living in a neighborhood with an HOA because I like…

Yesterday I was power washing my sidewalk. I enjoy power washing. It gives me great satisfaction to see something go from grimy to good as new. I also like that when I did my driveway, it burned over 1,000 calories according to my watch. I would probably also enjoy mowing the lawn, but PJ won’t…

I was waiting for PJ to get home so I could stuff shrimp tacos into my face. When he arrived, he said, “Holy shit. Trump was just at a rally and got shot at!” We put on Fox News to see what they were saying. Of course, because we don’t believe anything Trump says or…

My dad told me yesterday that the only thing he sees when he goes to my pod is the one from Mother’s Day. I deciphered his “Pa-speak” to mean that he thinks his phone is acting up because he keeps seeing the same post when he goes to my site. When I set up his…

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. You will see all the gooshy mooshy social media posts about mothers. Most of them won’t even be true but the poster knows that it will get them a lot of “Love this!” “So sweet!” and “Awwwww” comments and it will make them feel good. Some people won’t post at all.…

*Fun fact: when Christopher Columbus “discovered” Long Island, he called it Fernandina. ——- Beyoncé’s cover of Dolly’s Jolene is my new favorite song. When she sings, “I’m still a Creole banjee bitch from Louisiane”, it makes my little heart pitter-patter all over the place because I. Get. It. I moved to North Carolina almost 18…

I was scrolling Instagram and came across a post Frances Bean Cobain wrote about grieving her dad. It was especially poignant because I just finished the book Demon Copperhead yesterday. If you read it, you’ll know what I mean. One of the things Frances mentions is that Kurt loved Strawberry Nesquick. This instantly brought me…

I just thought of a great side-hustle for myself. We were watching The Ten Commandments last night. Surprisingly, this is one of PJ’s favorite Easter traditions, not mine. I promptly fell asleep and woke up intermittently. The movie is like 12 hours long. And not good. Although I must say, Yul Brynner was quite a…

Every year I’m given the gift of seeing 2 birds make a family. I was waiting and waiting this year and then suddenly there was a nest! I excitedly told my family and of course, no one cared. PJ even said, “Great, more disgusting bird crap on the door” (he’s not always this curmudgeonly but…

A long, long time ago I had a boss who, in retrospect, must have had bi-polar disorder. By diagnosing him with this, I’m being very kind. Because if he wasn’t bi-polar, he was just a straight up asshole. I was very young and impressionable. My confidence could still be shattered like a champagne flute dropped…

Hurt people, hurt people. The first person to ever say that to me was my Biff. I’ve heard it many times after that, but I needed to hear it in the context of one of our deep conversations for it to resonate. It’s completely turned my thought process around. Where I used to be offended…

We watched Killers of the Flower Moon the other night. Well, it was actually the other night and the next afternoon because no matter how good a movie is, I will always, always fall asleep unless I took a nap in the daytime. Anyway, it was excellent. My main man Leo was in it. I…

My dad has a plethora of “When I was a little boy…” stories. They’re called, “When I was a little boy” stories because every childhood tale he tells begins with, “When I was a little boy…” Lol claims she’s heard every one 50 times over and says they get longer with each telling. Lol has…

When Madonna had her first child, Lourdes León, I remember thinking, “Hmm, one day Lourdes will be old enough to read and see all the things her mom did in her career. I wonder how she will explain her Sex book to her kids.” (I’ve never actually seen it myself, but I hear she does…

I’m waiting in line at Homegoods. I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes now. It’s fine. I have my phone. I’m annoying PJ via text. But. There is the most annoying mother fucker behind me. Some days I’m in the mood to chat. Some days I’m not. Respect that. Nope. Not this guy. Twenty minutes ago…

I’m about to go to Costco for the first time with Lol and PJ. Something is telling me I need to document this. I didn’t want to go. Stores like this are not fun for me. Give me a Homegoods or even a Lowe’s – any store where I can buy something nice for my…

This is a reminder that with every daylight savings, you should change out the old smoke alarm batteries with new ones. Why am I offering up this valuable piece of advice at 4:47am, you ask? Well, it’s because one of mine started chirping about a half hour ago and woke me up. All the other…

Last year on my birthday I wrote 46 things I’m grateful for so I decided I’m going to try to make it a tradition. I turned 47 the other day, so here are 47 things I’m grateful for. No particular order and they just pop into my head as I write. 1. Rainy days when…

Today is kindness day. What a joke. The reason I know it’s kindness day is because some corny-ass guy and his corny-ass kid were on the news this morning telling everyone that they should be a little nicer to everyone today because it’s “kindness day.” Please. It’s not the first time I’ve seen this guy…

Before school started this year, I bought my oldest son a bunch of t-shirts I thought he’d like. There were 12 in all: – The Microphones – David Bowie’s mugshot from when he was arrested with Iggy Pop for possessing a 1/2 pound of marijuana – 2 Neutral Milk Hotel shirts – Swans – a…

That’s what I sang for most of my life until I realized the lyrics were “down in our rendezvous… three’s company too!” I also had no idea what a “Threes Company” was. Maybe this was an indicator that I was too young to be watching a show chock full of sexual innuendos and straight up…