I brought my son to get his senior pictures taken yesterday. I dropped the ball on getting them done earlier in the year at the high school, so we had to drive 40 minutes into Charlotte to the photographer’s studio.

I had to do this myself a million years ago and I remember it being a quick process. I walked in, they had me put on the customary black drape, he took a few shots and I left.

This was different. When we walked in, the place was abuzz with teens and their parents, changing in and out of different clothes and doing full-on modeling shoots in separate stalls. The music was pumping and people were running around to each bay where there were different settings and props.

We just wanted the basic package of him in the cap & gown and the yearbook photo of him in a tux. We had to choose one more option for the package, so we went with the “exposure” one that will be in black & white.

I stood quietly by as he was having his yearbook photo taken. He was wearing a tuxedo and smiling on cue.

I was thinking, “Ok good this is almost over.” But then a little voice in my head said, “Remember in first grade his school picture came back and he had a jelly stain on his shirt?” Then I thought of his short, neat haircut and his little baby teeth, and before I knew it, my eyes began filling with tears and I couldn’t stop it.

I was standing next to a coffee station and pretended to be perusing the different varieties of coffee flavors while simultaneously looking for a napkin.

There weren’t any napkins, so I dabbed my eyes quickly with my sleeve. I felt so stupid. Every other person in the place was excited about the glamour shots and I was standing there blubbering like an idiot.

I took a deep breath and tried to think of something else. I told myself that if anyone asked, I’d say I had terrible allergies.

A mom took one look at me and said, “I’ve been crying all day.”

What an angel. She looked over at her own son and told him, “See, we just love you so much.” and gave me a hug.

Right behind her was another mom who said she’d been crying all year. This sweet soul said her son was going into the military after graduation. Bless them both – for his safety and her sanity. Letting them go is painful enough, sending them off to defend our country is a whole other realm of worry..

By the time my son was finished, I wasn’t crying anymore, so I was happy he didn’t have to deal with me embarrassing him. Instead, we got into the car and he thanked me for bringing him. I broke down sobbing there instead. The tears were just pouring out of my face.

I didn’t anticipate this happening yesterday. At graduation, sure. But at his senior photo shoot, no. On the way home in the car, nope. And now as I’m writing this, I’m crying again.

My brain is telling me I should be happy for the young man in the tuxedo, but my heart is crying out for the little boy in the jelly-stained shirt.