Tomorrow is Mother’s Day.

You will see all the gooshy mooshy social media posts about mothers. Most of them won’t even be true but the poster knows that it will get them a lot of “Love this!” “So sweet!” and “Awwwww” comments and it will make them feel good.

Some people won’t post at all. It can be because they lost their mom, lost a child, or maybe they just think social media it utterly ridiculous and feel it’s better to just tell their mom in person or over the phone how much they love them.

I fall into the “Posting on social media because it makes me and my mom feel good. I also love the dopamine rush I get when I see the little red icon notifying me that someone else has liked or commented on my post” camp.

Sometimes I fall into the, “I’m feeling a little more anti-social and less needy than usual, so I’m going to forgo the social media post and fully absorb myself in the day without needing the approval of people I barely know” camp.

It varies.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention another type of mother that deserves mentioning.

Bad mothers.

No, not badass mothers like me and so many I know. Just bad. And there are A TON of them.

Please do not post if you’re a bad mother. Please don’t go looking for the glory. Why? Because you’re a bad mother and you deserve nothing.

Maybe you don’t know you’re a bad mother.

Here’s a comprehensive checklist. If you answer “yes” to any or all of the following questions, you’re probably a bad mother:

– have you almost always put your needs above your children’s needs?

– have you ever abandoned your child?

– have you chosen other people over your own child?

– have you manipulated your child their entire lives in order for you to get your way?

– have you used your child as a pawn for financial gain?

– have you constantly criticized your child, leading them to have low self-esteem?

– have you pushed and pushed your children to be the person you want them to be instead of the people they truly are?

– did you fail to defend your child when they needed defending?

– do you portray yourself as a good mother to the public but then ignore or treat your child like garbage when the camera isn’t on?

– have you set your child up to not stand a chance in life?

If you see yourself in the questions above, don’t give yourself flowers tomorrow – you don’t deserve them.

Go sit in a dark corner and think about the horrible person you are. K. Thanks. Bye.

To all the good mothers out there – HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY 💐