Every year I’m given the gift of seeing 2 birds make a family. I was waiting and waiting this year and then suddenly there was a nest!

I excitedly told my family and of course, no one cared. PJ even said, “Great, more disgusting bird crap on the door” (he’s not always this curmudgeonly but gets that way when it comes to animals of all kinds —- bad experiences as a child).

Anyway….today I was treated to the literal meaning of the word nesting. Momma or Daddy bird has been packing the inside walls of the nest by pecking it with its beak and then fluffing its body and feathers out and walking in methodical circles to smooth it all out.

PJ’s on the fence about God and all that stuff. I told him one day that I think birds were once people and now they fly to Heaven at night. He thought I was looney toons. But then I explained, “there are so many birds out in the daytime, where do they all go at night?”

“Their nests?” he smugly replied.

So I said, “if there were really that many bird nests, every tree would have like, 20 each. I think the birds go to Heaven at night and come back in the daytime to visit us.”

This theory hasn’t changed his mind. In fact, I think he’s convinced that I’m more coo-coo bananas than usual.

Last night my son told me he was thinking about death and got scared. It’s definitely the age. My Biff told me her daughter was thinking about it just 2 days ago.

Of course I regaled her with the story of how I realized I’d die around the age of 10 too. I was in my den watching the TV show Fame. As I was doing a dramatic jump off the couch into the air singing, “FAME! I’m gonna live forever!” I thought “oh shit. I’m NOT gonna live forever.”

Biff said it would’ve been ironic if I died right then and there. I said the image of me lying on the floor with my mullet and tail and my tongue hanging out would’ve been a sight to see.

Anyway, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks and scared the hell out of me. Things haven’t been as carefree since.

Luckily I’ve had a lot of time to think about it and was able to tell my son this:

(First the Fame story as mentioned above), then I told him that I truly believe that our souls go somewhere else and we will all be together. That our bodies now are just vehicles, like cars, to get around earth. When we die, we have all these different senses that could never be imagined in our lives.

“Just like when you were in my womb,” I said, “you didn’t breathe air, you inhaled fluid. You couldn’t see anything, just darkness.” I told him that if he had the ability to think back then, he never could’ve imagined walking, talking, breathing, seeing…and that’s why we can believe in something that seems utterly impossible to us now.

People have been around and witnessed how babies are born for so long that it seems normal – but it’s a straight up miracle!!

If no one could see pregnancy and birth with their own eyes, no one would believe it! He was a sperm! And out of all the other millions (thousands?) in the race, he won! And then he grew in my body from nothing into a baby. And then came out and lived!! It’s amazing and yet so commonplace when you’re used to the concept – which we all are.

People think the sex talk is a difficult. That was easy for me. Just the facts, ma’am.

It’s the “mommy I’m scared of dying” talk that worries me. Trying to convince someone of what you believe and try to comfort them about dying is HARD, especially when no one can be 100% sure themselves.

Another thing my son asked was, “with so many religions, how do I know if I picked the wrong one and then go to hell? Or what if I pick the right religion but I’m not as good as I have to be to get into Heaven and go to hell?”

I explained that I don’t believe there are definitive rules like many humans want us to believe.

There are probably people from back in the day who would be mighty pissed to find out that you actually CAN eat meat on a Friday or Saturday, write with your left hand, get a tattoo, masturbate, and buy alcohol on a Sunday before 12:00pm if the Panthers are playing, and NOT burn in hell for eternity! Pa tells me they even did away with purgatory now!

Yes, I believe in God but those arbitrary rules are there to keep people in their place – not things He actually cares about. If that were the case, the church wouldn’t change the rules when it didn’t suit their needs.

Yes, my beautiful, brilliant son – you are definitely good enough for Heaven. Even if I HAVE seen you swindle your brothers into doing your chores as if you were the devil himself!