This morning I washed my face and after drying it, looked in the mirror.

Little did I know, PJ had creeped up behind me.

He stood on his tippy-toes with his arms above his head and hands shape like claws.

He bulged his eyeballs out of their sockets and snarled, showing all his teeth.

When I saw him in the mirror behind me, I let out a blood-curdling scream so loud, that all three kids came running from the other room.

They saw their dad doubled over because my first instinct (when I thought he was a monster attacking me) was to punch him in the stomach. Then when I realized it was my moron husband, I kept hitting him a few more times because he’s an idiot.

Afterwards, he tried to act normal and go about the day, asking if I needed anything from the grocery store.

I told him this was not happening. He can’t just pretend like nothing happened when I can’t remember ever being that scared before.

He then reminded me of the time we stayed at my parents’ house and my dad set off the alarm:

About 10 years ago, we were living at my parents’ house as ours was being built. The boys slept in the front room, and PJ and I slept in the back. One night, my dad opened the garage door, forgetting that doing so would set the alarm off. I woke from a deep sleep and sprung out of bed in a panic, thinking someone broke in and was kidnapping my babies. When I opened the bedroom door, my dad was standing outside trying to turn the alarm off. When I knew my boys were ok, the spike and fall of adrenaline made me begin to hyperventilate. I ran in circles a few times, then dropped half my body onto the bed (as PJ watched from the other side – btw), the bedspread was satin, so I slid off the bed and hit my head on the floor. I came to with PJ trying to help me up.

Yes, PJ you are correct. That was the last time I was as scared as I was this morning. But that time was an accident. This time was on purpose.

I tried to find a poem about revenge to include here but failed, so I decided to write one myself. This is apropos because as you should know by now, there is no shame in my revenge game. Here it goes:

You fall asleep on the couch

I’m watching.

Sleeping soundly in the bed

I’m there.

Your guard is down

You’re so relaxed

living without a care.

Days go by,

possibly months

maybe even years.

But you should know I never forget

and one day you’ll be in tears.

Too much? Nah.