This year I have 1 child in elementary school, 1 in middle school, and 1 in high school. I’m surprisingly calm about this. It’s probably because of the Effexor (or Venlafaxine for all the generic brand seekers like moi.)

This isn’t going to turn into another post about mental health, but I would like to encourage anyone who feels like they’re in a constant state of worry, to talk to your doctor about anti-anxiety medications. I don’t feel like I’m in a fog or like I’m a totally different person (this is what I’d heard before starting them myself.) Instead, I’m exactly the same person – minus the constant screaming at my family and stressing over things that are not a big deal.

Back to the original intent of this post.

Me in Elementary school. This was when Teara and I would go shopping with Lol at JC Penney, Sears, or Times Square Stores, and pick out new backpacks and shoes. My fondest memory was scoring a pair of black pleather pants that came with a lavender skinny belt. These, paired with my grey Capezios and feathered mullet made me so hot that boys wouldn’t dare look in my direction. I know it’s because they couldn’t handle all that heat. Obviously.

So I took it upon myself to go after them by pinching their butts if I thought they looked good in their Wranglers. I got in trouble for that after one boy told on me. Nerd. (No seriously, what the hell was I thinking? Keep your hands to your damn self, young Tiffany!)

Me in Middle school – This is when I turned into a real derelict. I don’t know if I was a bad influence on my BFF Christine or vice versa. Probably a little of both. She lived across the street and we’d walk to school together and smoke cigarettes on the way. We must have looked like Patty & Selma from the Simpsons, puffing away with our big hair.

Me in High school – In the first week of 9th grade, Teara and I got flashed while walking to school. I’ve definitely told this story here before, but it’s definitely worth repeating.

A little baby blue hatchback was parked in the opposite direction of the flow of traffic on the street. As we walked past, the guy called out,

“Excuse me…”

Being a dumb doofus, I walked closer to the car to see what he wanted. He continued,

“Would you like to watch me jerk off?”

My eyes quickly scanned down to see an open porno mag leaning against the steering wheel and his pink, wormy, dick sticking out of his unzipped jeans.

Teara, cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce, replied,

“No thank you.”

and pulled me away as I stood there stunned – mouth agape. I cried the rest of the way to school and ended up telling my teacher even though Teara told me not to.

When she was called down to the office, she was soooo mad at me. Her eyes were like, “What the fuuuuccckkkk Tiffany!!!!” She couldn’t say it out loud, but I knew.

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I felt compelled to write this for all the moms and dads out there worried about their kids starting school.

It’s going to be fine.

No matter what their situation, they will learn and grow from it. And if you’re lucky, they probably won’t be the worst case scenario (me 🙋🏻‍♀️): a sexually harassing, chain-smoking man handler, getting flashed by perverts on the street 🤞

Take a deep breath, and cheers to the best year ever!!! ♥️♥️