I haven’t showered since Monday.

Today is Thursday.

It’s as gross as it sounds.

I’m in the middle of my second round of allergy testing. Last time it was the skin prick test, this time it’s the patch test.

They put 57 different tabs containing allergens on my back, marked me up with a sharpie, then placed sticky plastic wrap (like when you get a tattoo) over my entire back to hold them in place until yesterday when they slowlllyyyy peeled the plastic off.

Other than the not showering, the plastic removal has been the worst part by far. Picture getting waxed and instead of a quick rip, it’s carefully pulled off at a snail’s pace. I almost screamed “KELLY CLARKSON!” at one point.

Beforehand, I told the medical assistant that the not-showering part was the worst. He laughed and said that when young boys have to do this testing and hear that, they’re excited about it.

I understood completely because I have to fight with my boys about showering sometimes. I don’t get it. Who doesn’t feel better after a nice shower?? What is there to hate?

On Mother’s Day I asked my son to take a shower and he gave me a hard time. I finally said, “Look, it’s Mother’s Day. I really don’t ask you for much. Just take a fucking shower.”

Sorry if this offends you, but I don’t care about cursing in front of my kids. No, they are not going to be scarred for life. They are meaningless words that are sometimes necessary for emphasis, and not said viciously.

They will not be traumatized because their mother has a mouth like Joe Pesce. I was more worried about the guilt aspect, but he conceded and took a shower.

Anyway, they couldn’t read the test results yesterday due to the irritation from the plastic being pulled off my back. Today I’ll hopefully get some answers, but I will definitely be getting a shower.

* Side story. After yesterday’s appointment, I was sitting in my car finishing up a text. When I was ready to leave, I looked over at the car parked next to me, and there sat Teara and my nephew!

They hadn’t noticed me yet, so I started knocking on my own window and making faces like a crazed lunatic.

My nephew was the first to look over, and while continuing to make faces, I started rapidly giving him double middle fingers.

He was wearing a mask so I couldn’t see if he said anything, but his eyes told me he was shocked.

He must have uttered something because all of a sudden, Teara pops her head forward to see and – oh my Lord – I wish you all could’ve seen the look on her face. She was ready TO GO.

I’m still laughing as I’m writing this thinking about her face 🤣 I wish I took a picture.

Then she got out and we started bullshitting and my nephew had to literally start pushing her toward the building or he never would’ve gotten his allergy shots because we would’ve stood in the parking lot talking for 2 hours. I love my sissy ♥️