Did you know that some people never dream? I find it hard to believe because mine are so vivid and occur almost every night.

In fact, I just woke from a very complex dream where PJ and I were against a whole room of people, and I was trying to prove our innocence by reading a letter I’d written. I was getting really frustrated because every time I looked down at the page, I couldn’t understand the words.

When I say it was complex, it’s because I was thinking in the dream, “Now I know what kids who have trouble reading aloud feel like. Damn those teachers who torture their students like that!”

I’ve also been tortured by nightmares since I was very young. I can recall waking up in a sweat and screaming for Lol. Oh my poor mother. If she didn’t appear in my doorway within .3 seconds after calling her, I’d get louder and more hysterical. Mommy! Mommy! Mommyyyy!!!

She’d comfort me, and I would tell her how King Kong punched his hand through my window and swung his arm around trying to grab me as I cowered in the corner.

Some nights when Lol was too damn tired, she’d send Pa instead. Surely I hurt his feelings when I’d cry, “But I want Mommyyy!!!”

He would calm me down and I’d tell him how he and Lol were having a romantic dinner in a room separated by red velvet curtains. I was on one side and they were on the other. I’d call for them, but they couldn’t hear me. Every time I’d try to make my way through the curtains, several stark white hands popped out and grabbed at me.

Hmmm…2 nightmares about being grabbed. Maybe I was afraid of being kidnapped?

I’m not making light of child trafficking whatsoever, but it is nothing new. Kidnapping was the ‘80s pastime for scaring the crap out of children.

For those who think it’s a new phenomenon, do you not remember the poor souls staring back at you from the milk carton while eating your morning cereal?

Or what about the TV clips: “It’s 10 o’clock. Do you know where your children are?”

Which audience was that gem supposed to be targeting?

The parents who didn’t give a shit and were supposed to feel guilty about their kids running amuck late at night?

The parents who could inwardly gloat that their kids were safely tucked away in bed?

Or the parents whose children had been cruelly taken from them?

I still don’t understand what those “public service announcements” were for. If anyone knows their intention, please enlighten me.

Back to my nocturnal imagination.

I could turn anything into a nightmare.

While most people were having naughty dreams about Princess Leia in a gold bikini (this is a proven fact thanks to Ross Gellar and Chandler Bing’s confirmation decades later), I had a recurring nightmare that Jabba the Hut captured me. I wasn’t wearing a gold bikini though. I was probably wearing my favorite t-shirt — Garfield with a thought bubble over his head stating, “I love food”.

When I was engaged to PJ, I woke up hysterically crying because I dreamt he cheated on me. He consoled me whilst experiencing quite an ego boost, I’m sure.

And then there’s the horror movie I still play in my head to this day. I’m walking over a rickety, Indiana Jones-type rope bridge. As if the heights part isn’t scary enough, it slowly goes lower and lower until I’m in the water and about to drown. Fun 😐

Luckily, it’s mostly cool dreams now instead of nightmares. In fact, the other night I was hanging out with Jason Momoa. Don’t get any ideas people, PJ was there too. We were helping poor Jason get over his breakup from Lisa Bonet. Whomp whommmppp. I wouldn’t have minded if Khal Drogo popped up instead though (Can I get an Amen? 🙌🙌🙌). Oh don’t be such a judgey-judgerson … I’d bet money that PJ still dreams about that gold bikini 🙄