My children. My dear, dear children.

I brag about them a lot. Just yesterday I was saying how I’m convinced one will be President someday. I really wouldn’t be surprised if any of them were, actually. In my eyes they have it all – charm, great personalities, winning smiles … and I thought – intelligence.

The reason I write “thought” is because today I discovered that 2 out of the 3 might be dumber than a box of rocks.

Ok that’s a little harsh, but they did disappoint me.

Let’s start from the beginning…

A few weeks ago, the damaged sidewalks in my neighborhood were paved with concrete and 2 out of my 3 boys decided to take the opportunity to showcase their artistic flair in the wet cement.

That’s not why I’m mad at them though.

I couldn’t be mad because as soon as the workers pulled away from my house, I ran outside and put a small “PTDJR” in a square myself.

Alas, when I went to see my handiwork the next day, I discovered those meanies paved over my family’s initials ☹️

Fast forward to today.

It was so beautiful outside and I hadn’t been on a walk in a while, so I asked 2 of my boys to join me on a walk to the mailboxes at the front of my neighborhood.

On our stroll, I noticed that my one son had written his name in concrete with a smiley face next to it and his didn’t get erased.

He thought he was in trouble, but I laughed and told him he accomplished what I couldn’t.

When my other child, (the one who was not there on the day his brothers took advantage of the wet cement) saw that his brother wasn’t getting in trouble, he couldn’t help but quietly say, “They also wrote ‘boobs’.”

Oh my Lord.

But wait! It gets worse!

“They also wrote ‘penis’.”

I must need to get my eyes checked because I don’t know how I missed it the first time, but when I got back to that same square of concrete, there they were, in HUGE letters – ‘boobs’ and ‘penis’.

Here’s the part where I’m questioning their smarts. Those two words were written RIGHT NEXT TO MY SON’S NAME!!! What a ding dong!!!

Do you know how hard it is to reprimand your children in a situation like this without saying, “If you’re going to do dumb shit, at least try not to get caught!”???

I mean, I kinda did say that but in a way that didn’t sound like they can do dumb shit as long as they don’t get caught.

So their punishment was that they had to come to Lowe’s with me and use their allowance to buy what they needed to remedy this mess.

If you get nothing else out of this story, know that heavy duty sandpaper will buff ‘boobs’ and ‘penis’ out of cement (or whichever other genius terms your little derelicts come up with.) I did let him leave his name though.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, he also drew a little penis next to his name. It was barely noticeable but I made him buff that out too.

Sorry neighbors 😬 Hopefully this is the worst they will ever do … but I doubt it.