I’m about to give you one of the most valuable pieces of advice you may never have known you needed, so listen up.

One night not too long ago, my sons were afraid to go to sleep because they stumbled upon a clip for the movie IT and watched it. I tried to be gentle:

Now, now, it’s not real. You’re safe here. No maniac clown would ever come into our home because daddy would put him through the wall with one hand! Go to sleep and if you’re still scared later you can come get me.

Didn’t work. Next I tried being logical:

Guys! It’s fake! They’re actors! In fact, Tim Curry is one of my FAVORITE actors. He was even in Home Alone 2. The hotel manager! The director of “It” yells “Cut!” and he takes his make-up off and makes himself a sandwich from craft services!

That didn’t work either and after a long discussion we figured out that mommy is lost in the ‘90s because they were talking about IT with Bill Skarsgård (I say that name in my head like I’m a pirate because of the SNL episode when the actor Peter Sarsgaard went to the pirate convention 😂 🏴‍☠️. If you haven’t seen it, you should google it. Cracks me up every time.) not Tim Curry. I was DONE. I had nothing else to offer in the realistic realm so I thought I’d try the psychological route.

But how? What could I do to get them to stop thinking scary thoughts? Thinking happy thoughts wasn’t working. And then BAM! It hit me.

I told them that it was FFF.

They asked what’s “FFF?”

“Well the first F is for fake. The third F is fiction. Do you know what fiction is?”

“Yes, a story that’s not true. What’s the second F for?”

“I’ll tell you guys but you have to promise you won’t repeat it.”

“OK we promise! What is it??”

See… by now, they were already starting to think about something else.

“It stands for FAKE F-ING FICTION!”

They started cracking up.

“Guys, I didn’t say the REAL word but do you want me to?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!”

So now they’re not only thinking of something else but they’re laughing and excited.

I built the moment up with a dramatic air drumroll. “The exact term for FFF IS…🥁 🥁 🥁 … FAKE! FUCKING! FICTION!!!

They died laughing. There was no way these kids were going to bed scared that night. To further ensure that, I let each one of them say it.

Cautiously, they did it.

You would think having a mom who swears as much as I do, it would come easily to them, but surprisingly, it doesn’t. Well, not gonna lie… it comes very easily to my eldest, but when I was in 8th grade I was cursing like a sailor even though my parents didn’t, so don’t blame me 🤣

Those boys went to bed happy and giggling that night instead of scared. I went to bed with the peace of mind of knowing they weren’t going to wake my tired ass up!

Sometimes you have to think outside the motherfuckin’ box to make things work. I’m pretty good at that – if I do say so myself ☺️