re·li·gion/rəˈlijən/Learn to pronouncenoun

1. the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods.

Emphasis on the “personal”, please.

I’ve written a bunch of times about my exploration into religion. Luckily I think I’ve found it, but it’s not in the Bible.

Let me rephrase that. It’s not in someone else’s interpretation of the Bible.

Because for as long as someone has studied it, maybe even gone to school for it, it’s still, and always will be – someone else’s interpretation of what was written.

Some might say, “Well I studied it the longest and the hardest and with teachers who studied it longer and harder than I did, so that naturally makes me an expert, so you MUST believe what I believe because I am right!”

Mmmmm okay.

One of my favorite books is The Great Gatsby (cliché, I know). PJ hates it. Obviously we have differing interpretations of the book.

I can tell him all day that he’s wrong – that it’s absolutely an exhilarating masterpiece. I can explain that I’ve read it a few times, studied it in school, watched the Redford AND DiCaprio versions of the film, and reviewed the history that states that the book was not well-received when first written and that Fitzgerald died thinking he was a failure. (It wasn’t until the book was re-distributed to soldiers in WWII that it became a literary sensation.) I can tell him that I am positive that it’s an exquisite story of a beautiful tragedy, and most likely he’ll still say … nope, it sucksss.

And he wouldn’t be wrong.

And I wouldn’t be wrong.

In fact, unless F. Scott came to life and sat down with us and explained precisely what each element of the book meant, neither of us could be sure that our interpretation was correct. Even then, we would STILL have our own personal opinion of what makes a good book – and both of us would be right.

Here’s an example of how an interpretation could go wrong:

I’ve “studied” Little House on the Prairie since I was old enough to watch TV. I always thought the youngest sister, Carrie, was played by a girl named Lindsay Sidney Greenbush because that’s how her name is written in the opening credits when she falls down the hill like a doofus.

What I didn’t know until later in life is that Lindsay Sidney Greenbush is actually TWO people!

Twins, Lindsay and Sidney Greenbush played Carrie because child labor laws only allow kids to be on set for a certain amount of hours.

Because they didn’t write “Lindsay AND Sidney Greenbush” I thought they were one person – AND I WAS WRONG IN MY INTERPRETATION.

Get it?

I’m really grateful to the organization that welcomed me to explore religion further this past year. It opened my eyes to so many good things. I now enjoy reading the Bible and I do love most of the beautiful messages conveyed and what they do for the community. But I feel like a big old fraud sitting and nodding my head in agreement when I’m being told things that I simply don’t interpret the same way.

The two biggies are:

– the only way God will truly accept me into his loving arms in Heaven to live in eternal life with Him is to gather with like-minded people every week to worship Him because He is a jealous God and wants for all His followers to only love and believe in Him.

And

– that He wants me to give my money to Him because it was never “mine” in the first place because everything I have is really His anyway.

Oof. Ya lost me right there.

This week my family and I went to Tweetsie Railroad up in the mountains of Blowing Rock, NC. with Teara’s family – an annual tradition.

Part of the experience is taking an open train ride to a secluded spot further up on the mountain where we watch a live, Benny Hill-style cowboy shootout.

On the way up on the train, I breathe in the clean, fresh air and witness the majesty of His creation, and it is when I truly feel closest to God.

When the train stops and the show begins, I sit back and laugh with my sister, watch my sons’ and nephews’ happy faces, and notice PJ and my brother-in-law, Christian, looking too cool for school, but probably secretly wishing they could be in the show. I find myself thanking God for everything He has given me.

Ok, so now I just gave a couple hundy to Tweetsie Railroad instead of God so I could see the joy on my kids’ faces and I’m gathered with my husband, sister, and brother in law – all who do not think the same way I do when it comes to religion.

However, in that moment, I’m feeling so much joy and love in my heart that I feel like it could explode.

Should I feel like I’m less of a Christian because I failed to meet with the like-minded people and give my money to the church instead?

While I’m experiencing this pure, unabashed joy and feeling like I’m a kid again – waving from the train to the people in Tweetsie town – and I meet the face of another adult who is most likely as tired as I am of what the real world has become, and they smile and wave back at me like they’re a kid again too, is that not what God wants?

So even if I live my life like this every single day, when I die and get to Heaven’s doors, God’s gonna be like, “Nope, sorry. You didn’t spend enough time with like-minded people worshipping me and giving me your money. I mean, really Tiffany, you should have given me your money because it was never really yours anyway, it was mine.” 🤨

I just don’t think that’s how my God would be. But the Bible has been interpreted in a way that it tells people that these are the only truths and they are the only ways to get yourself into Heaven.

I just don’t believe that. Hopefully I’m not wrong, but I’m going to take my chances.

The title of this blog is taken from the R.E.M. song of the same name. The term, Losing My Religion isn’t about shunning religion like one may think. It’s actually an old southern expression meaning you’re about to stop being polite and lose your shit in public.

I’m not shunning my God. He’s still right there for me and I for Him. But I’m afraid that if I continue on the road I’ve recently explored and am told more things that I find somewhat manipulative when interpreted the wrong way, I might just lose my religion.