I can’t believe the ad I just saw for Victoria’s Secret.

After a million years of giving men ridiculous expectations that women should be hairless, Amazonian sex goddesses, and giving women body dysmorphic issues and eating disorders, they have finally come to the realization that no one wants their itchy-ass underwear.

This wasn’t always the case for me though. Around the year 2000, I’d grab my Victoria’s Secret catalogue and my friend and I would use our lunch hour to circle all the things we wanted.

I clearly remember saying this:

I don’t get it … how do women “give up”? I’m always going to wear Vicky’s Sec’s, I’m never going to wear ugly underwear!

She agreed.

Well, young-dumb-me, you give up because you’re sick of being uncomfortable. You choose soft, comfy, forgiving cotton undies instead of scratchy lace buttfloss clawing at your nether regions.

Actually, I didn’t give up, I TOOK A STAND!!!

(And btw, a man isn’t going to give 2 shits about your underwear as long as he can get in them.)

The VS ads went from Alessandria Ambrosio (whose body magically morphed back to Barbie-style the day after she had a baby), to women with squishier bodies and tattoos.

Sorry, but it’s feeling ‘too little too late’ for me dawg.

I’m imaging some blockhead boomer at the helm telling the employees, “NO, NO, NO, men want to see hairless Amazonian sex goddesses! Not real women! Yuck!”

But then Herb from accounting comes running into the board room holding a big white chart with a jagged red arrow pointing down.

Blockhead Boomer’s eyes bulge out of his giant, sweaty head and he looks like he’s about to have a heart attack.

Bart from Marketing exclaims: The numbers are nosediving because it’s not men buying it – it’s WOMEN – and they don’t want it anymore!!!”

Blockhead Boomer has to take a breather, so he goes to the mailroom where he sees a young intern with tattoos and purple hair.

Blockhead Boomer: Ahem, excuse me young lady.

Young Intern: My pronouns are ‘they’ and ‘them’, please refer to me that way.

BB: Wha wha whaaatttt???

YI: Never mind 🙄 Did you want to ask me something?

BB: Uh um, yes. Do you like our underwear?

YI: Um no, not really. They’re really uncomfortable. I’m actually against the entire concept. The only reason I took this internship was because I’m crowdfunding my own nonbinary, or genderqueer, underwear line and I’m researching antiquated companies like yours.

BB: Hmm, well, I have no clue about most of what you just said, but I get the gist that you think people want comfort over hairless Amazonian sex goddess underwear. Thank you young man, I mean woman, umm I don’t know… too difficult… (runs away).

Blockhead Boomer calls another meeting and berates his team for not telling him what is really going on in the world even though they tried several times. Then they get to work designing new underwear with Young Intern as head of the design team.

Young Intern makes a ton of money but leaves soon after because their morals are more important to them than the almighty dollar. They use their crowdfunding money and VS blood money to create the nonbinary, genderqueer underwear line they always dreamed of.

And……… scene.