As corny as it sounds, during an inspirational speech to my son last night, I quoted a Beastie Boys song.

I said, “I know this is corny, but I’m about to quote a Beastie Boys song to you.” He didn’t seem mortified so I went ahead:

Be true to yourself and you will never fall. – Michael Louis Diamond, aka Mike Diamond, aka Meshach, aka Mike D. in Pass the Mic

Truer words have never been rapped. I’ve never seen anyone stay true to who they are and regret it.

One example is Drew Barrymore. For all intents and purposes, the public should’ve thrown her into the fire long ago.

She’s never hidden her issues with drugs and alcohol, she’s made a bunch of stinker movies, her weight fluctuates often, she’s several times divorced, etc.

* For the record, I wouldn’t hold any of this against her, but these are high crimes in the court of public opinion.

I feel like people give her a pass because she’s the first one to tell you about her “transgressions” with no shame. Even when she stood on David Letterman’s desk, did a sexy dance, then flashed him – I don’t remember anyone having a problem with it. (This part might also be because I was obsessed with her and didn’t listen to dumb adults even when they warned me that I shouldn’t pluck all my eyebrows out to emulate her because they may never grow back. They did, but not as full and luxurious as I’d prefer.)

So even with all these “faults” people still want her around and listen to her because what you see is what you get – warts and all.

In that vein, I’ve been watching her Instagram videos whenever they pop up. She’s been on a trek toward self care and I’m here for it.

One of the things she’s doing is drinking hot water with the juice of a whole lemon every morning. Well if it’s good enough for Drew, it’s good enough for me.

She said it’s an Ayurveda thing that helps the weight ‘just fall right off’. I don’t know about all that, but I feel like hot liquid and all that vitamin C have to help your immune system, so I’ve been doing it and like it.

I’m off from work this week so I’ve really been able to throw myself into this self care stuff.

Instead of watching TV, I’ve been listening to a book. I cozy up in front of my fireplace under a blankie with a candle lit and my headphones on.

However, the headphones are like a magnet because the second I put them on, my kids need me. They’re supposed to be noise cancelling, but I still somehow manage to hear: Mommy … Mama … Mommy … Mama

Because of this, I recommend you do the opposite of what every parenting site/book/annoying person, tells you to do and let your kids use their electronics for as long as they want. If you feel guilty about doing that, throw their butts outside and lock the door instead.

Let’s see, what else … oh yeah, take a bath. I never take baths. I’m a shower gal. But I took one the other day and did a face mask and it was glorious. The only problem is that the walls in my house are paper thin and for the first 5 minutes, all I could hear was Chester Bennington (RIP) screaming the lyrics to In The End.

On a relaxing song scale from 1 to 10 – 1 being Enya and 10 being Ministry – I’d say Linkin Park is a 12.

I sat there pissed off and non-relaxed thinking , “Who in the hell is listening to Linkin Park??”

It turns out my boys and PJ were playing a video game featuring that song. This was especially irritating because 1. it was BLASTING and 2. PJ and I are together long enough for him to know that I am not a Linkin Park fan and I was trying to unwind, not prep for a mosh pit.

A few minutes later my youngest comes knocking on the door.

“What? I’m taking a bath.”

“Oh.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I need cardboard.”

“From the bathroom?!”

“I thought maybe you had some in your closet.”

(I’ve never had cardboard in my closet, ever.)

“Um no. Go away! Leave me alone!”

I repeat – throw their asses outside and lock the door.

Other highly recommended self care items/practices: The Calm Meditation app, a spin bike, take-out, sleeping in, church, puzzles, 10/10, Wordscapes, not answering your phone, writing, sitting in the fresh air, making your bed every day, keeping your house neat, fuzzy socks, a blanket you love and only you use, your favorite music, letting go of your control-freakishness and letting your kids take on some chores, saying ‘yes’ more often, laughing, not caring what others think of you, and of course, being true to yourself.