We usually host Thanksgiving at my house, but my parents are in that sweet spot – scratch that – HORRIBLE spot – that because of their age and pre-existing conditions, they are prime targets for spending the last few weeks of their lives intubated and dying alone in a hospital bed if they were to catch the Coronavirus.

So the Pettis are choosing to heed Dr. Fauci’s warning to, “stay home and have a quiet dinna” (that Brooklyn accent 😍).

We’re not skimping on the food though, and decided to make it easier by ordering our meal from a local restaurant. However, I am going to attempt to make four, yes FOUR pies. This is a big deal because I dislike baking more than I dislike cooking.

So yesterday, I got my list, my mask, and my hand sanitizer and headed out.

The grocery store was packed, but to my surprise, everyone was being so nice to each other.

With masks on, it’s impossible to do that quick smile/chuckle to excuse yourself when getting in the way of another cart. Instead, you could hear everyone being so polite to one another.

It was as if they all needed to let each other know that we’re all in this together, and that we’re looking out for one another. It was truly heartwarming and a great way to kick off Thanksgiving week.

Until …

Of course there was one couple out of the hundreds of people in the store who weren’t wearing masks.

You might be thinking, “How do you know they didn’t have a medical condition that prevented them from wearing one?”

You’re right, I don’t know. I’m just going out on a limb and guessing that since she was in an ugly spandex tennis skirt and looked like she’d just gotten done playing, that a mask wouldn’t have hindered her in any way.

I kept seeing these 2 selfish buttholes all over the store, and part of me was happy that no one was giving them the satisfaction of asking them to wear a mask. I feel like human sharts like them are waiting for someone to do that just so they can retort with something they heard on OANN.

At one point, she sent her mask-less Neanderthal husband to another part of the store so they could be sure to spread their freedom germs in the most efficient ways possible.

And then, there we were … (cue the western showdown music)…

It was me, her, and the ugly spandex tennis skirt standing in front of the ice cream case.

I was happy because she looked uncomfortable. I burned holes into her back with my eyes. Fiery holes so deep that I may have melted the vanilla ice cream I needed to perfect my pies.

What I really wanted to do was turn into Ludacris and say, “Move bitch, get out the way…get out the way…get out the way…” so I could grab my Breyer’s Natural Vanilla (best in the game in my opinion) but I did not. I said nothing and let her go on with her miserable life.

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Before I had gotten to the grocery store, a woman driving in front of me stopped at a green right-turn arrow. The New Yorker in me beeped and pointed at the arrow and she quickly turned. I instantly felt terrible. At first I didn’t think she knew there was a green arrow but then I realized she was probably just being smart and making sure no one was coming toward her in the busy intersection.

As I was stopped behind her at the next light, I tried to mime and mouth that I was sorry (and probably looked like a maniac instead of someone trying to apologize for being a moron.) So when I saw her turning into the parking lot of the shopping center that I was going to, I decided to follow her even though my first instinct was to keep going because I was embarrassed.

I pulled up next to her car. It was a woman about my age with a pre-teen daughter in the passenger seat.

She was probably nervous that the psycho who just beeped at her was now confronting them, so I quickly said, “I’m the one who just beeped at you and I’m so sorry. I wasn’t trying to be mean, I just thought you didn’t know there was a green arrow.”

This woman couldn’t have been more gracious. She said, “Oh it’s ok! I knew there was an arrow but I just like to check to be sure no one was coming.”

I said, “I realized that and you were right to do it. I feel like the biggest jerk and I am sorry.”

Again she acted more sweetly than I deserved, and I went on my way.

I felt great after that interaction. Happy that I owned up to being a dick, thankful that she was so understanding, and glad that her young, impressionable daughter was able to see a real-life example of how adults should act.

I kinda, sorta (not really) understand why that couple in the store chose not to wear a mask. They think their freedoms are being threatened 🙄 But is this really the hill they want to die on? Especially when that hill is filled with the graves of people around their age who just died from the virus?

And even if it’s because they’re choosing to not “live in fear”, couldn’t they just wear the damn mask for every other person around them who would feel just a little more comfortable if they did? I mean, even her body language screamed that SHE was uncomfortable in the situation! Then why would she take that particular stand?? Does she really think it makes her a patriot??

Word to the wise – think about someone other than yourself once in a while. Don’t worry, by being a nicer person, you can still hang on to some of your selfish ways because the good feelings it brings actually benefits you more than it does others. You should try it some time!

Now wish me luck on those pies. And remember, even someone like Dr. Fauci, who has been quoted as saying, “My very best memories as a child are of the house being full with aunts, cousins, and uncles with a table of good food.” – is also the same guy telling you to stay safe and have a quiet dinna.

Happy Thanksgiving! 🧡🍁🍽🦃