Penance: The Sacrament of Penance or the Reconciliation or Confession is one of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church in which the faithful are absolved from sins committed after Baptism and they are reconciled with the Christian community.

I think I was 12 or 13 when I went through my penance class. I don’t remember what it entailed except that I had a religious instructor that said “Grod“ instead of “God”, and I never knew if she did it on purpose. I don’t understand how you can mess up the word “God”, but I guess it’s just one of the mysteries I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.

Anyhoo … this class ensured that I understood all the ins and outs of Catholic guilt and culminated in my first grand confession.

The class with the Grod lady was held in a little room in the rectory that was decorated in puke and poop tones and smelled like dust and shame.

On the big day, when I finally got to tell a priest alllll the sins I committed in my 13 years on Earth, the walk from the rectory to the church felt like the green mile.

My class filed into the solid wooden pews – the kind that are so uncomfortable that it lessens the chance of falling asleep during a sermon, but not by much. We waited for the priest to make his grand entrance.

He walked slowly up to the altar and stood with his back facing us. One by one, like itty-bitty sacrificial teenage lambs, we went up to meet him. I was a little bummed that there was no confession booth like in the movies. It made it even worse having to stand shoulder-to-shoulder and out in the open with him. As Jesus hovered over us on the cross, I began confessing my sins.

This is how it went:

Me: I fight with my sister a lot.

Priest: And …

I don’t listen to my parents sometimes.

And …

My room is really messy.

And …

Um … I use the Lord’s name in vain.

And …

Umm … I curse.

And …

One time I stole Bazooka gum from Woolworth’s.

And …

Me & my friend Christine snuck a bottle of Seagrams 7 out of her parents’ liquor cabinet and drank the whole thing.

And …

Jesus Christ! (oops 🙊) What else does this guy want from me? I’m 13, I haven’t really sinned THAT MUCH yet 🙄

After I told him I smoked pot once, I think he sensed I had nothing left to give and let me off the hook.

It turns out I was supposed to say, “that’s it” or “amen” or something. I think he just kept saying “and” in case I wanted to confess more. I don’t know.

Since then, I haven’t really sinned that much differently. I mean, I’m sure the sinner police could get me on some technicalities, but for the most part I think I’m a good person.

I don’t pray the way you’re supposed to and sometimes I realize I’ve gone a while without doing it at all. And when I do, it’s kind of like a casual, “Hey, just checking in. Thank you for everything. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

I say what I consider the “catch all” prayer with my kids every night since they were babies. It goes:

There went the sun, this day is done

I’ll climb in bed, and bow my head

Dear God, I pray, please end my day

With quiet sleep, so soft and sweet. Amen.

Then I add: Dear God, thank you for watching over my babies, God bless all our friends & family, and everyone we love and anyone who needs it. God bless Daddy. Anyone else?

And then my sweet boys say, “God bless Mommy.” And if anyone else is going through something, we specifically pray for them.

The reason I’m telling you all this is because I know I don’t come off as your typical Christian.

I curse a lot, I’m hypocritical, I can be extremely vindictive, stubborn, judgmental, I don’t believe hating something is a sin, and many other un-Christian-like things … but I OWN IT.

And when I do those things, I don’t confess. I feel like God is cool and knows my heart and knows that I’m a good person.

I feel like He appreciates that I don’t hide behind some lines in the Bible that were interpreted by someone who wants you to see things from the same narrow perspective as them.

I believe that the God I know is happy with me and how I want ALL the people he created to be considered equal in everyone’s eyes and ESPECIALLY by man’s law.

I want to take this opportunity to thank the people who have always been honest with me about their beliefs even if I didn’t agree with them.

I’m not going to lie, some of you have pissed me off just as much as I’m sure I piss you off with my opinions; but that feeling was nothing compared to the sting I felt yesterday when so many people I had no idea LOVED Donald Trump came out fighting. For 4 years they said nothing, but chose to defend him yesterday – and I was blindsided.

Don’t get me wrong, if you want to keep your opinions to yourself, I totally get it. Not everyone has to be a loudmouth like me. But if you chose to remain silent for 4 years and then came out in his defense yesterday, well, that just reeks to me like you’re only mad now because you can no longer sit comfortably in your quiet judgement while that monster represents your true beliefs.

Doesn’t seem very Christlike to me.

If he was so wonderful, why not defend him when he was constantly attacked for 4 years? Isn’t that what Jesus would do? Or was it because you were embarrassed for supporting him?

How did you feel when your fake Christian president shot rubber bullets at peaceful protesters so he could stand in front of a church and hold a bible backwards for a propagandist photo-op? How does it make you feel that he used your religion for his sick egomaniacal power plays? Just like Jesus would do, right?

As I’m writing this, Joe Biden is getting ready for church. Is Trump? What do you think?