Lately I’ll see something that bothers me on social media during the day, and I’ll do what all the people tell me to do – just scroll on by.

It annoys the shit out of me, but look … I’m just scrollin’ on by …

I’m so mature. I’m proud of myself actually. I succeeded in doing what everyone told me to do and just scrolled on by!

After all, weighing in on a topic that is posted for the general public’s consumption – even if it’s important to you – is not what Facebook is for! You are NOT supposed to comment if you disagree with someone’s post! Especially if you don’t do it with their expected decorum. Facebook is for pictures of kittens and kids! I mean, I’ve seen a little too much of your kids, and I know you think they’re ahhh-mazing, but honey, no one cares. Well except for you and grandma, but no one else. Oops sorry, let me get back to topic.

Even though we are counting down to what is the most important Election Day of our generation, let us not express our point of view on Facebook because that’s not what it is for! Facebook is for MLM aka Multi Level Marketing. Day after day, year after year, I’ve seen your posts about magic beans, tote bags, and colorful leggings – and I’m still going to take my Nature Made Women’s multivitamins, rock my speedy bag, and wear sweatshorts that I’ve had since 2010. But yes, you are right, I should refrain from expressing my opinion on something as silly as politics. Because it’s NOT what Facebook is for! It is for constantly trying to guilt your friends into buying your CRAP, NOT for expressing your political views!

Oh and since my reproductive rights are being threatened, and that bag of shit president of ours is instrumental in trying to take those rights away (even though he’s paid for his own mistresses to have abortions), I’m told I am NOT supposed to disparage him! I need to respect him! Disrespecting our president is NOT what social media is for! I mean, I’m asked every day to “SHARE IF YOU PRAY FOR OUR PRESIDENT”. Fuck no, friend/family member. The only thing I’m praying for is that he is replaced in November. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that’s not what social media is for. You’re right. Utmost respect to the man who has all my easily conned friends and family members believing the tall tales of QAnon and supporting white supremacy groups. Coooool. RespecKKK!

You are all right! I can’t wait until social media is back to everyone asking me to open my wallet! Or complaining about Mondays! Or sharing family photo shoots where everyone wears the same color! Or posts about wine! Or coffee! Or exercise routines! Or online businesses! Or hating homework! Or how hot it is! Or how cold it is! Or how rainy it is! Or your sports team! Or your kid’s sports team! Or your hotdog-leg beach vacation pics! Or how you hate working! Or how your kid’s teacher sucks! The passive-aggressive inspirational posts! The strategically taken selfies masking the turkey neck! And my absolute favorite of all time … the Moms taking “boobs-out” thirst traps at 40! I could go on 😐 THIS IS WHAT SOCIAL MEDIA IS FOR!!!!

Anyway, like I said, I see stuff in the daytime and I maturely scroll on by. But then, just like when I tell myself not to get mad about having to ask my kids to do something 100 times and it’s still not done, it sits and festers and eventually explodes on the scene like NKOTB in 1986.

In social media’s case, it happens inside my brain at 4:30am and wakes me from my sleep and then I write about it.

In fact, that’s MY annoying thing. Too much opinion sharing. You may not like it, but guess what? You can just scroll on by … 😊

Thank God for that snooze feature, amiright??