About 7 years ago I was the only person in the world without a smart phone. I was very content with my little flip phone that looked like a small, grey egg. All I wanted was to feel safe with the ability to contact someone if I got stuck on the road.

PJ would say, “You need a smart phone” and I’d always respond with, “No, I don’t. If I get a smart phone I know I’ll become addicted to it.”

One day we were waiting in line at the grocery store and PJ dropped a carton of eggs directly on top of the most coveted Coach bag I ever owned. Seriously, I rocked that thing for years. It was thick, black leather with heavy, silver hardware. I’d wear it year-round. I did not give a single flip about fashion rules – winter, spring, summer, fall, I was using it.

It still makes me cringe thinking about the slimy, yellow yolk everywhere, pouring down and seeping into every nook and cranny of my beloved bag, right into the perfectly-sized pocket that was home to my little grey egg phone. (The egg irony is not escaping me here.)

I tried hard to save the bag, but after several attempts at getting dried yolk out of the crevices with a toothpick, I gave up. My gorgeous Coach bag was now a fancy toy purse for my then 3-year-old son.

I also tried to save my phone but PJ wasn’t having it. For my birthday he got me my very first iPhone.

As soon as I opened it I wanted to return it. He said, “No, you need a decent phone!”

After some coaxing I finally said:

“Fine. But if I become addicted to it, you can’t say anything about it!”

Fast forward 7 years and he knows he can’t say a word now that my phone is surgically attached to my hand. He tried at one point, but since I never forget anything, I shut that shit right down and reminded him how the story goes.

I’ve mastered the art of being able to pay attention to my kids even with said phone in hand. But once in a while, I’ll totally pull a, “Hold on a sec, I’m answering a work email…” when I’m really completing a board on Wordscapes.

They’ve tried to guilt me about it but I just roll my eyes because 99% of the time, no matter what they need, the phone goes down, my eyes lock with theirs, and they get my full attention. And it’s usually to ask something like:

“Momma, can I have a soda?”

“No, goodbye.”

The 1% is when I really am answering a work email, and then I tell them to go ask their father.

I’m obsessed with Facebook. It should come as no surprise because as much as I dislike reading, I LOVE photos. (BTW, please do as I say and not as I do and continue reading my blog, thanks.)

Growing up I’d pore over all the photo albums my friends and I had every time we’d hang out. They’d make fun of me by saying I was “studying”. I don’t know why I enjoy it so much; it’s like a drug to me.

Because of this, you’d think I’d be more interested in Instagram, but Instagram doesn’t have the same element of drama that Facebook has. I LOVE being a nosy bystander to other people’s drama.

When others would say, “Stop the fighting! I hate drama!” I’d think to myself, “No, please don’t stop. I haven’t had this much fun since I watched General Hospital!”

But I gotta tell ya … it’s even too much for me these days. It’s not even drama anymore, it’s more like: meh meh meh meh meh meh meh.

Now it’s just a bunch of dumb fights that I don’t care about. People flexing their “I know more than you.” muscles with boring links to stories.

I need more Sonny & Brenda and less Robin & Patrick! I need more Helena Cassadine and less Mac Scorpio! I need more Carly Corinthos and less Sam McCall! (Sorry, if you weren’t a GH fan about 10+ years ago, I lost you there.)

Anyway, the point is, it’s all turned into a bunch of noise. Tensions are high concerning the state of the world right now and it’s all coming up like a giant dry heave on Facebook.

Stop with the lame fights and entertain me with the good stuff again PLEASE!!

It’s ok though, I’ve turned my attention toward Wordscapes and my score is an impressive 1145 🙌

At least I’m sharpening my brain instead of dumbing it down with mind-numbing debates over, “(fill in the blank) ___________ in the midst of these uncertain times.”

If I hear those words one more time I’m going to hurl my iPhone at the TV and then I won’t have either and I might possibly read a book instead. Yeah right 😂😂