Hi. If you’re reading this we’re probably friends. But my finger has been on the trigger with this one for a minute and I wasn’t sure if I should shoot. I almost didn’t, but now I’m going to. So if you don’t agree, I sincerely hope we can still be friends.

However …

Let’s all stop giving ourselves/others credit on holidays and occasions that are not meant for us/them.

Mother’s Day is coming up. If you do not have the title “mother” in your description, you are not meant to be honored on this day.

If you are a single dad – I give you the utmost respect. What you are doing is HARD. You could’ve walked away but you didn’t; but on Sunday, you need to sit down and zip it. Just because you’ve taken on both roles, you are not a mother. Wait until Father’s Day then party your little heart out.

And vice versa. I taught my boys about sex. Some would say it’s “Dad’s job” to explain the birds and the bees to their son. First of all, no – grow up.

But if you do subscribe to that theory, I’ll remind you that I didn’t suddenly grow an appendage and should now be celebrated on Father’s Day because I sometimes take on the “dad role”.

I will be reveling in Mother’s Day this weekend because I am 100% a mother – and a good one at that, if I do say so myself … if I do say so myself … if I do say so myself. (sorry a little Jay-Z moment there.)

We’re in the midst (‘midst’ being the most overused word of 2020, along with the phrase ‘unprecedented times’) of Teacher Appreciation Week. Yesterday was Teacher Appreciation Day. Some of the amazing teachers in my life thanked ME for being my children’s teacher this past month or so. It was very sweet, but no way, no day.

I am their mother. YOU are their teacher. And even though I had to step in and implement the work that they’re being asked to do, I am not their teacher, you are – and THANK YOU.

Lord knows I had to contact my son’s 2nd grade teacher 500 times to resend instructions that I misplaced, or to “Please explain this.”, or “Do we have to do that?” before I finally got this shitshow on the road.

So since I can’t even follow basic instructions – no, I am definitely not a teacher.

Yesterday was your day. This is your week. Not mine. I’m simply doing what I should be doing, helping, just like all parents should do all the time.

To drive my “It’s not your day so please be quiet” point home a little further:

If all your child’s grandparents died, do you honor yourself on Grandparent’s Day because you step in and give them butterscotch candies once in a while and ask if they’re hungry? No.

If you’ve taken care of someone while they were sick, even if vomit and bedpans were involved, do you call yourself a nurse? No.

Side note: National Nurses Week is today, May 6 – May 12. Thank you to all you wonderful human beings who have selflessly chosen one of the hardest professions in the world. Especially now, when your vow has taken you where you never imagined you would be. And especially, especially, when you have to risk your own lives taking care of people who chose not to follow social distancing guidelines and now you have to take care of their sorry asses 😡

So let’s all just stay in our lanes when it comes to celebrating, mmmm k? Except for St. Patrick’s Day – on St. Patrick’s Day everyone is Irish ☘️ 😊