I consider myself a good mother. Pretty kick-ass actually, but not in the traditional “good mother” ways. We’ve already established that I don’t cook, (well I’ll make them pancakes if they beg long enough), and I probably should have more rules when it comes to electronics.

But these boys know that we love them more than anything in the world and that they’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and PJ.

There was a skit on Saturday Night Live where a family was so affectionate that by the end they were all making out with each other. That’s kinda us. Well not that gross but my boys can never say they don’t know what love feels like. Their spouses may curse me when they leave their socks in the living room because I’m not the best at holding them responsible for things like that, but they’ll be thankful for husbands who aren’t emotionally stunted when it comes to showing emotion.

Our house is a safe place, full of routine, and lots and lots of love. As I type this, my 7-year-old is cuddled next to me singing, “Watch me whip, watch me Nay-Nay”, tracing my fingernail with his finger, and guess what … begging for pancakes. I hear my oldest inside singing Viva Las Vegas operatically 😂

I always knew I wanted to be a mother but I never really liked kids all that much. I had a babysitting job once and when the parents left, the baby started crying and never stopped. When they got home I handed the baby over, crying myself, and vowed I’d never babysit again. Teara ended up taking that job over for me. She watched that baby, then their second baby, until they were both grown, and then worked at the daycare the family opened for many years. It’s funny how things happen sometimes.

When I was pregnant with my first son, Teara told me to change my infant nephew’s diaper for practice. (She probably just didn’t feel like doing it so decided to “help me”). I still remember standing there with my giant 8-months pregnant belly pressing against the changing table, having a mini-panic attack, thinking, “I can’t do this. This is too hard. I’m so tired.” And that was before I actually had the baby.

Having babies is HARD. And I don’t just mean the physical pushing part. There are so many layers of feelings that you have to emotionally push through too. Much of it is great, but there are so many tough times that aren’t great.

I’m not saying this happens to everyone. Some women are made to be mothers and it comes very easily to them. Me, not so much. And there’s guilt that comes with that – from yourself and from others. Especially those judgey a-hole parents that think if you don’t do something the way they do it then you’re wrong. You may even be thinking, ‘Well if she disliked that stage so much why did she have three?!’

Because it is SO worth it.

But … I’m not ashamed to say that as much as I look back on pictures and say “time slow down!”, I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been right now. I know the teen years are coming fast and furious, but right now I’m enjoying this sweet spot. Those previous years of often feeling desperate have led me to approach this easier time with grace. For my kids and for myself.

Most parents would be appalled that all three of my kids aren’t participating in ANY extra-curricular activities at the moment. I’m thrilled. We’ve done the basketball, the soccer, the musicals … and I LOVE not having any additional obligations other than what’s required of them at school.

So many people pride themselves on how busy they are these days. We’re luxuriating on being lazy, hanging out, and just enjoying each others’ company.

In case you’re interested in this laid back way of life, here’s a quick list of things you can do to accomplish it:

1. Stop caring what others think of you and your family, including but not limited to, giving your money to every person who asks for it. (Like if you’re at CVS and the cashier asks if you want to donate to whatever. Say ‘no thanks’. The cashier doesn’t care, and even if he/she is secretly thinking you’re cheap, oh well. And now you just let the person behind you off the hook too 👍)

2. Ask your kids what they want to do instead of arranging their entire lives for them.

3. Tell your kids to leave you alone and go play by themselves whenever warranted.

4. Have 1 drinky-poo on the porch every night. You can relax and think about how happy you are to not be sitting on the bleachers or in a field somewhere.

5. Ease up on the yelling. I often talk about how I’m a yeller but I realized I really don’t do it much anymore. Everyone is happier now because of it. (Every once in a while I can’t help it though.)

6. Always keep in mind that if they want to start up on a sport or hobby again next year they can! One year off is not going to diminish their chances of getting into the NBA if they already have the talent. And let’s be honest folks, most of them don’t have the talent no matter how hard they practice. Take a break. They deserve it and you do too!!