When I ask my friend Coletta what she’s doing over the weekend, 99% of the time she says, “Club Couch & Bar Bed.” (I think she’s already copyrighted it so don’t even bother.)

It didn’t register that it should be my weekend mantra until she said it a few times. Actually, it should be my every day mantra because it’s all I ever want to do.

When I was 13-ish and acting like a little shit to my parents because I was grounded, I told them, “All you ever do is eat dinner and roll on over to the couch!”

As I got older I felt really bad for saying that, but as I got OLDER older, I realize my parents were probably laughing their asses off about it. I was trying to insult them, but if they were anything like me now, they yearned for their couch all day because they were friggin tired.

I used to fall into the trap of feeling bad if I wasn’t experiencing all the things you see others doing on social media. Fear of missing out or “FOMO” as the kids call it these days, had me thinking I needed to TRAVEL! and PARTY! and WOOHOO!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

I’m sure most people enjoy doing those things, but when I’M doing them, all I want is – come on, say it with me:

CLUB COUCH & BAR BED. Wooooo 😐

I’ll also be visiting the COMFY CAFÉ in my favorite sweatpants.

Here’s the game plan for this evening. When I get home I’ll change into my homeless-looking pajamas and we’ll eat dinner. Probably pizza because we – well let’s be real – PJ, is too tired to cook. The kids will run off and play and then I’ll roll over to the couch and PJ will roll over to his chair.

Snuggled up under my favorite blue blanky with “Mommy” embroidered on it, I’ll watch TV, play 1010, and look at social media on my phone. (As I type this I have the irresistible urge to delete it and write something that doesn’t make me sound like such a loser, but again … keeping it real.) Then I’ll pass out 5 minutes into a movie, wake up to find that PJ went to play video games, fall back asleep, and then get annoyed a little while later because he’ll be standing over me going, “TIFF. TIFF. TIFF. Wanna go to bread?” (Don’t ask me why he says bread instead of bed. He’s been doing it for years and I have no idea why but now I say it too.)

Don’t feel sorry for me – I wouldn’t change any of it for the world ❤️

YOLO!!!!!!!