If you’ve been reading this blog you’ve discovered that I am not perfect. I know, I know, you are shocked 😐.

For instance, there’s been a number of times when I’ve criticized others grammar, but I should really stfu because I can’t remember punctuation rules to save my life. I use parenthesis like a mad woman but never know if the period should go inside or outside (like this.) or (like this). (Inside just feels right.) so thats usually what I do. Or the rule about ‘lesser’ or ‘fewer’.

I was at the vending machine with Biffer weighing my options of ToastChee crackers and Toastyy crackers because, you know, my healthy diet, and I noticed that the ToastChee crackers were cheaper than the candy bar that I really wanted and had more protein. She corrected me and said that when speaking of numbers it should be “less than.” (Don’t fault her, as soon as she said it we both pointed out how douchey she sounded.).

Sometimes my hypocrisy occurs to me in more subtle ways. For instance, my friend Lauren and I discovered at our get drunk and gossip nights (aka book club) that we shared a mutual love of the French-Canadian wonder, Celine Dion. There may be a video floating around of us belting out My Heart Will Go On as loud as we possibly could – to hell with everyone trying to have a conversation around us! Who cares about the sleeping children and husband upstairs! The dog is deaf but she could probably hear us! But that’s not where the hypocrisy comes in, that’s just being obnoxious.

Anyhow, we’ve had tickets to her concert for a while now and talk constantly of how we’re going to be Celine-singing maniac fools. Well, I did one of those question/answer lists on Facebook about concerts and my friend Scott copied and pasted it with his own answers. One of the questions was “What was the worst concert you’ve ever been to?” He replied: “Has to be the Andrea Bocelli concert. Bocelli was awesome. But the lady next to me apparently knew all the words to every song (in Italian no less) and gifted me with her rendition of each one.”

This is how hypocritical I can be. I read that and (in my best Stephanie Tanner voice) thought “HOW RUDE!” but it never occurred to me that I plan on doing the exact same thing at the Celine concert. In my mind I assumed everyone would be singing her exquisite ballads with the same exuberance as Lauren and me.

Grammatically this last sentence sounds so wrong but I know I can’t say ‘Lauren and I’ because if you removed Lauren from the sentence it would be “with the same exuberance as me” which makes sense. (If you haven’t noticed, I’m also unsure about when to use this: “ or this: ‘ quotation mark.).

But I woke up this morning and it hit me: there’s probably going to be a bunch of non-fools at the concert who just want to hear her angelic voice, not Lauren and me ☹️

Thank you Scott for helping me see the light. I’ve made a playlist of all our favorite songs for the ride and we will sing our little hearts out in the car.

But no one, and I mean no one, is going to stop me from passionately mouthing the words and thumping my chest like the Queen herself!!! C’est magnifique!