Sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your perfume is kinda rude. The last time my family went out to dinner, PJ and I locked eyes when a couple sat next to us; my eyes started watering and I think PJ was gasping for air because the woman’s perfume was choking us out. We actually had to ask for dessert to go.

Yesterday I got an Amazon package that still smelled like the gross scent of one of the many hands it passed through in the delivery process.

I’m not trying to be mean. I used to wear perfume all the time until everything in the world started making me rashy. But guess what, as luxurious as I thought I smelled in Issey Miyake in my twenties, there was probably someone around me who wanted to puke. And in 7th grade when all the kids were wearing Debbie Gibson’s Electric Youth purchased from Genovese Drug Store for $7.99, all the adults were probably nauseous with headaches.

I know your husband probably bought you that perfume for your birthday and he loves the way you smell in it, but maybe go a bit lighter. A little *squirt squirt* on the wrists goes a long way. And please for the love don’t wear it to work. It’s a violation in most employee handbooks for a reason, yet so many people think they’re above the law and do what they want anyway and then everyone else is left having to secretly barf and bear it, or have an awkward conversation (hi 🙋🏻‍♀️) In my case I really am an allergic, itchy mess, so I was never lying when having said conversations.

The point is that not everyone is going to like what you like – unless it’s Drakkar Noir, who doesn’t like a man bathed from head to toe in Drakkar Noir? Ahhh hello 1990s teenage dreams 😍😍😍😍