When I decided to start a blog I asked my husband PJ, what was off limits.  He said, “nothing.” I should’ve taken it and ran, but I knew he was either in the middle of something and not really listening or figured I’d end up writing whatever I wanted anyway, so why bother telling me what to do?

So I kindly offered some suggestions. We set a few ground rules and off I went. He’s easy like that. He’s always been easy like that. I’m fortunate to have someone who just wants to see me happy. We don’t fight a lot but we recently had a big one.

After 13 years of marriage I accused him of not being spontaneous enough. I’ll spare you the details because this is more about the advice I received from my biffer (BFF) when I bitched to her.  She said, “Usually the things that drive us crazy about our spouses are also the things we love about them.”

This was a huge eye-opener for me. She was right, I was mad because he never surprised me and sat in his favorite chair A LOT. But after hearing Biffer’s words of wisdom, I applied them to myself.

Yes, he’s always in his chair, but he’s also the first person I see when I walk through the door after 2 hours of getting my nails done, AND he’s probably already fed the kids (yessss). A quick visit with my sister can easily turn into a 3-hour gossip-fest, but he’s there when I get home, usually with one of our boys snuggled up in his lap. Or when I decided to get my real estate license, he was there holding down the fort.  I complained that he was too predictable and not spontaneous enough, when in reality it’s one of the major reasons I fell in love with him – he’s my rock.

So I challenge you, the next time you find yourself being critical of your partner, ask yourself if the same theory applies to you. You may surprise yourself like I did.  And after all, if he wasn’t in his chair all the time, I’d probably feel guilty that I’m always on the couch.